Life Goes On

that lil thing known as expectations...

2008-11-01T14:26:00.002+08:00

was facebooking at was thinking what should I write for my status and well this thought came to mind.. Expectations... hmm..

guess everyone has expectations.. but really life is so much more enjoyable and less complicated if there's no such thing as expectations. Well, i for one am guilty for setting high expecations on others and i live to regret some of the expectations i've set.

tired... dunno what to write already.

just.. sighs.. weird feeling i'm having now..

better get ready for duty at church later..

a short and quite meaningless post...

ciaoz.

home where i belong...

2008-10-07T20:30:00.002+08:00

back to work after a week's rest... expected tons of work and lots of follow ups but was pretty much the opposite. Mailbox was flooded though. Took my time reading through the tons of mails I received yet not even a single one that I really wanted to read. Guess I'm still having the holiday mood. Well the past week I was in China, visiting several places and I must say that well as bad as many say China would to be, there's still some good in it. Like how history is preserved and how people really love their country and their traditions. Overall it was quite an enjoyable trip. No need to plan to do things just sleep, wake up follow the tour group, eat, shop and back to sleep again... for many years, going on trips is just a time where i hope so so very much to be back as quick as possible. This time around, I was hoping that the last day was the first day. Sighs, don't understand arr... but that's how life goes I guess... I'm still clueless but being clueless is quite cool sometimes... well at least i'm not the person who has all the answers now.

It's October already.. how time flies. Wonder what will happen in November or maybe in December. How abour January, February, etc etc... Told my friend not to think too much and instead I'm the one doing all the thinking. Must really really learn how to depend on God for my everyday provision and directions... I know He's good and He's faithful.. Thank God for His ever abiding presence. I'm where I am today because of Him... Thank You..

smiling with the thought of _ _ _.

100th post: Ever Wondered Why?

2008-09-17T18:10:00.003+08:00

ever wondered why we are who we are?
ever wondered why we are where we are?
ever wondered why things happened without a reason?
ever wondered why happy times fly by so quickly and unhappy times seem to be forever?
ever wondered why good guys suffer and bad guys have all the good things in life?
ever wondered why some people are born rich and some are so poor?
ever wondered why there are natural disasters?
ever wondered why God allows suffering?
ever wondered why so many questions we seem to have the answer but only know about the answer when someone else answered the question?
ever wondered why some scenes in life seem so familiar its like deja vu?
ever wondered why people who are in high positions don't seem to think or act better than people in low positions?
ever wonder why the whole eco system seem to work perfectly without anyone bothering about it?
ever wondered why life is so filled with wonders?
ever wondered why we know we lack something in life yet we do not want to admit we do?
ever wondered why God would gave us His son Jesus to die for our sins though we really did not do anything to deserve the sacrifice?

if i would to write all the questions i have in my mind right now, i guess i'd need to stay in office for my entire life coz new questions keep popping in my head. I used to really like to have all my questions answered, well sometimes I still do... that's why the many whys?

well...i found an easy way.
Let's just say i found an answer to all the questions... it's in Him, Jesus.

I've survived a 100 posts!!!! Praise the Lord!!!!!
woohoo.........

My Life.....

2008-08-30T10:57:00.003+08:00

I'm back to where I was but this time only stronger. I've cried, I've laughed, I've been through it all. Well, not all but I've been through a fair deal of mixed emotions. I have to admit I'm lost, clueless, puzzled and confused. I've heard that it is only when you are in the most distressed and hopeless situation that God works through you. Saying that God knows best sure is easy but really believing it in my life is difficult. I can't thank Him enough for everything that I have today. Many would see me as someone who's blessed and indeed I believe so too. Sighs, I'm guilty of asking for more. I'm guilty of not being grateful and thankful at times. Not being appreciative of the countless blessings that God has given to me.

I'm hurting... I know it's only normal. Need to really depend on His grace to see me through. I'm not as tough as I thought I would be. This is indeed a humbling process. God really knows how to hit me where it hurts the most. Not blaming Him but maybe I'm just not patient enough to see the good out of the whole thing. Maybe I should be learning patience. I really need to just be patient enough to anticipate and be quiet enough to listen.

Sighs, i'm living in regrets but I know I have to really propel myself out of this situation i'm in. When I know not what to do and what to think sometimes, all I could do is to just cry out Father, Father, Father... sometimes I don't get a response but I know He's there. The matter of the heart is really the most impossible to figure out and the most difficult to fix. Arghh.....

gjgpdoiugpdfklgdkfgdfogpidgfk

just messed up, don't know lah... too much head knowledge but can't reach the heart. Hopefully just hopefully I can really climb out of all these becoming a better person. Living everyday for itself is something I never would have done a year back but now just enjoying and understanding the fact that everyday is a new blessing from God and is a new day that I can anticipate His grace and mercy. Malas to plan too far ahead. So what if we store up tons of savings planning for our future when sometimes what we want and what we plan just dont work out. Well but I should not worry too much coz my future is already crafted in His perfect plan.

AAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

much better... hahaha..
shouting in cyber space can be done anytime.. no noise polution.

just realize it's Merdeka eve. Used to plan for countdowns but this year... as celebrations are mellower due to cut costs measure by the gov, well guess I should also just be quieter and just recount the many blessings God has blessed Malaysia as a nation and to me as a citizen of Malaysia.

took me 3 hours to complete this simple post... but I do feel a little better now.

gonna go makan wan tan mee... super hungry..

=)
smiling despite the hurt for I know God knows best.
ciaoz...

I will love

2008-08-30T10:48:00.003+08:00

I Will Love

by Hillsongs

I will love You Lord, my strength

I belong to You

I will bless You while I live

And I will lift my hands up in Your name

Jesus, You alone are holy

You alone are holy

Name above every name

Lord Jesus, You alone are worthy

You alone are worthy

Jesus, the Lamb that was slain

Nailed to the cross for me

Died and rose again

You redeemed me to the Father by Your blood

You cleansed me from all sin

God knows best

2008-08-29T10:35:00.002+08:00

"God Knows Best"

Our Father knows what's best for us, So why should we complain ... We always want the sunshine, But He knows there must be rain.

We love the sound of laughter And the merriment of cheer; But our hearts would lose their tenderness If we never shed a tear.

Our Father tests us often With suffering and with sorrow; He tests us, not to punish us, But to help us meet "tomorrow."

For growing trees are strengthened When they withstand the storm; And the sharp cut of the chisel Gives the marble grace and form.

God never hurts us needlessly, And He never wastes our pain; For every loss He sends to us is followed by rich gain.

And when we count the blessings That God has so freely sent; We will find no cause for murmuring And no time to lament.

For Our Father loves His children, And to Him all things are plain; So He never sends us "pleasure" When the "soul's deep need is pain."

So whenever we are troubled, And when everything goes wrong, It is just God working in us To make "our spirits strong."

~ Helen Steiner Rice ~

I wonder, friend, how often you have wept a bitter tear And asked: "Why is this happening to me?" "What step was taken wrongly to deserve this dreary fate, What action brought about this tragedy?" Only to find in time a vital reason for it all, And Faith you thought so steady put to test, To look back with such wonder at the workings of his hands; 'Dear Lord, Thy will be done, and God knows best.'

It happens to us all, we are so mortal and so weak All too human in our strange an earthly ways, Falling often by the wayside on our journey through this life Seeking light and fighting ignorance's haze. Truly friends, the help is there, for as ye seek so ye shall find And at journey's end how well you shall be blessed If you truthfully can say without a doubt within your heart Dear Lord, Thy will be done, and God knows best!

smile,
eujoe

exhausted..........

2008-08-03T13:03:00.002+08:00

i'm exhausted..........

I had an awesome week. Managed to catch up with new and old friends. The catch up sessions were fantastic. Enjoyed everybit of it. Sometimes you wonder how much you can just tell someone about your life, work, etc. Little MJ's song that goes just call my name... i'll be there.. has always been some sort of an inspiration to me on how to live a life that is ever ready to be there for someone. I want to relive my.. don't worry it's on the way philosophy. Sometimes you really know that to help someone it means to go out of your own comfort zone and out of your way but if helping and being there for someone is always according to your time, schedule and what you feel like doing, everyone can do it and no one will ever need help anymore. I have activities lined up almost every other day. The need to talk and to listen is so great sometimes that I just cannot sit alone in my room for a few minutes. After going through what I would say is the most occupied time of my life, I have 3 words I need to tell myself.... "Have a break!" Did not make it to church today cause I spent some time with my colleagues, new and old after annual dinner last night at karaoke. Just wanted to be there cause many times I was invited but i turned down the offer. Well, had a good time being there to listen, to sing, to reminiscent the past when some songs are played. Good memories occupied my mind, brought a smile to my face as well as a tear to my eyes. No longer have questions like if only, what if, why... but just hopes and dreams that i've commited and surrendered to God.

after living for 25 years, I begin to understand alot of things. I begin to see alot of new things in life. I begin to feel feelings i've never felt before. Well, it's a new chapter of my life that I'm still learning everyday to cope with. It's impossible not to have rollercoaster rides but what is important is through every ride, I know God is there to take those plunge with me and will be there to pull me up. Hope I can be there for people the same way I was helped as well. I've learned that sometimes it's better to sit and listen than to give advise when not needed to. Don't try to fix the problems people go through but just be there to hear them out. That's what I'm going to do from now on.

Hehehe.. wonder what will the reciprocation be if i use the same approach at work.

Been sleeping quite alot nowadays, physically tired but not to the extend that I need the sleep but somehow emotionally and spirtually, I think i need the rest to just allow me to enjoy what God has created... sabbath. I echo what cheewai said the other day at cell about being idle and speechless.. and enjoying time alone. Sometimes just sitting on my bed doing nothing after a long day is what i need.

enjoying the rest i can get right now before a new week begins...

shalom!

the lovey dovey feeling...

2008-07-21T17:01:00.004+08:00

this day of every month has always been a day that i look forward to. Counting the number of months we've been together and the good times we've spent with each other. Both my phones still have the reminder which woke me up this morning. Of course I do not need the reminder to remind me of this day but it was added just for the fun of it. This is a day which I will always try my best to make it a special day for her. Well they are all memories now and honestly I only have fond and sweet memories now. Someone once told me that I'm a person who's quick to forgive and slow to forget. Well I think he's right.

Had a fun time catching up with my bunch of good friends last night at Yuen's steamboat. Some of us go back more than a decade together. Well, i guess i must be old enough to be able to say that. It was indeed an enjoyable time where we just shared our lives and shared jokes and laughter together. Saw her there with her family and somehow I felt a little sad last night for I really wanted to be there together with them. When they left I walked past them and her mere hello was good enough to melt even the coldest heart. She used to tell me this phrase which if I have the chance to tell her in person in the future, i would love to... "You had me at hello"

I recently attended a wedding and the groom actually said that when he was entering his first year of University, he was asked to fill in a form and there was this question in the form asking candidates what will be their greatest dream? The best answered will then be posted on a website or something. The groom answered... To marry a beautiful wife and have 2 kids and he said thankfully his answer wasnt chosen as the best answer if not he'll be a laughing stock at his university. The groom then went on to say.. "today i've acheived first half of my dream."

Well, for most people.. that will not be their greatest dream but i for one echo him.

Growing up in my family and seeing how my dad works so hard to support the family and how my mum works equally as hard to take care of us... She wakes up early to ensure everyone has good breakfast to start off the day and also fetched us to school when we were young... well this is really something that i would want in my own family too in the future. I think i'm quite an egoistic guy and I would want to work ultra hard right now to earn a living good enough to support my wife so that she does not need to work unless it's her choice to want to work. But I understand living in this day and age is difficult but i would sure like to try doing so in the future.

Most people would think that a man should have bigger dreams but I would think what good is it to earn the world and not being able to be with someone that you cherish and you would like to spend the rest of your earthly life with...

Well i know i'm no romeo and definitely no casonova. I'm just a simple person desiring to put a smile on faces of people i care most in my life. I know it's
getting more and more difficult to do so too.. but i'm making a commitment to focus on what is right in front of me. My family, my friends, my colleagues and
people who crossed paths with me. I'm not giving up on dreams and wishes i once had. I'm just being practical right now. Living each day by itself and really doing the best in everything given to me be it in my job, church work, at home and also enjoying the company of my friends and family. I believe if what i desire is what God intends for me, HE will grant me my heart's desire even if it means i have to wait. I have faith in Him..

Feeling a little lovey dovey today... so here's a song i would like to share which i heard on the radio when i was out for lunch...

SHOWER ME WITH YOUR LOVE - Surface
My heart is filled with so much love and I need
Someone I can call my own
To fall in love,
that's what everyone's dreaming of
I hold these feelings oh so strong

Life is too short
To live alone
Without someon
To call my own
I will care for you
You will care for me
Our love will live forever...

Chorus:
Shower me with your love
Shower me with the love that I long for
Shower me with your love
Shower me with the love I've been waiting for

I close my eyes and pray all my wishes come true
Every nite I go to sleep
Until you're mine, I'll wait for you endlessly
Can't you seeFairy tales, they do

Sometimes come true
If you believe, it
Could happen to you
Like the stars that shine
Way up in the sky
Our love will live forever...

Like the stars that shine
Way up in the sky
Our love will live forever
Live forever...

for all lovers out there... appreciate the one you have next to you eventho he/she may be a little difficult at times. CHEERS!

ciaoz..

I'm Forever Yours... Planetshakers

2008-07-17T10:19:00.003+08:00

I'm Forever Yours

I give my all to You
Send me and i will go for You
I'll follow after You
I want the world to know
Your love endures forever

Tell me and i'll obey
This is far greater than sacrifice
Trusting You and not myself
Will always lead to blessing
Lord have Your way in me
Not my will, Yours be done

Here i stand within Your presence
Longing for Your touch
A thousand days cannot compare
with one day in Your courts

Hold me now
And never ever let me go
My Jesus, my precious Savior
I'm forever Yours

I will worship You forever
I will worship You

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This song has really helped me alot along the way. And now it's time I share it with all.
"Trusting Him and not myself will always lead to blessing... " This is one statement that I really need to believe in and to understand for the rest of my life.

Sometimes i still feel the pain, sometimes i feel like i'm getting a heartattack. I know the pain and the lessons i've learnt made me who I am today. I really can't say whether I became someone better but i've certainly learnt and have seen alot. I can dream of fairy tale endings, dream of fantasies but I know that there is a time and place to dream and well the time and place is not now not here. So many questions, so little answers. So many thoughts, yet I'm still clueless. Seeking to find an explaination to everything is pointless and for now is not what I want to do.
No answers I can find that can satisfy me more than Jesus.

Not quitting on what I truly feel deep down but time for me to take a break.

Roller coaster rides i've taken alot.
Time for me to take the ferris wheel for a change.

Joy and Happiness

2008-07-14T16:39:00.003+08:00

the joy of seeing others happy is something that i've always enjoyed doing and something that i've always want to do. People always tell me that you need to be happy yourself too but then when i sit down and think of things that will really make me feel happy, well nothing makes me happier than seeing and making people laugh, smile, etc.. just being happy.

I used to enjoy going to shopping complexes, airports, markets, etc. Places with alot alot of people, just to see the many faces, the many lives that God has created. From each face, you can try to write a story about and from each smile and laughter, you can roughly guess why he/she is happy. When dad was at the hospital a few months back, i visited the infant floor a couple of times. Wishing to catch a glimpse of some newborn as well as to catch the look on the faces of expecting parents.. well, if there's a rating to how happy they are based on their facial expression, i think the rating would 11/10... overjoyed.

Another place to be to see happy faces would be at weddings. Well, i've attended quite alot this year and seeing the couples smile and blush at each other while exchanging rings or even giving each other their first kiss as couples is a sight never to be missed. Another time that I saw very happy faces was during CDPC's 8th anniversary 2 weeks ago. The faces of those who have toiled and who have put in so much effort day and night for the success of the anniversary day shows it all on that day itself. It's the face of satisfied joy, fulfilling joy... and accomplished joy.

It's been awhile again since i last wrote here. and well, the title for this post will be none other than.... "Joy and happiness". Not something new, but it's something everyone cannot get enough of. I for one enjoy being happy, enjoy spreading and receiving joy... if i have one wish from God, I would ask for unending happiness. I know it's impossible to have that but I would definitely love that very much.

being happy is not just about smiling and laughing... it's about true inner joy.

do you want to be happy today? well... i want to.

CDPC 8th Anniversary

2008-07-07T02:11:00.003+08:00

Happy Birthday CDPC.... (City Discipleship Presbyterian Church)

was indeed tiring today but enjoyed totally. Reached home about 8am from work this morning. Cant help but to just fall on my bed to catch a short nap which lasted till about 9am then rushed off to church. Was suppose to be there by 830am though. Once in church, went to set up the PA systems and went up and down to help out as well. Once service started everyone was already very hyped up by the atmosphere. Praise & Worship was fantastic, singing songs from the good old days to the songs written by CDPC members. Reflecting on the many blessings that He has showered upon us. After P&W, sermon was good. Enjoy listening to Peter Rowan, and how he can really bring out God's word in a humorous and yet challenging manner.

In the middle of the sermon, was summoned to the back to change and make up for the drama. All the kids surrounded me asking whether i'm suppose to be a clown and Sean said I was a lau gong gong... Old grandfather. Which was of course correct... played Uncle Bob in a short drama, depicting the many different individuals we have in church and how each and everyone contributed to CDPC and how we appreciated and are grateful to each and everyone; members and friends of CDPC..

After the drama, there was a video presentation done by Sam showing the life of CDPC for the past year. After the service, everyone went downstairs for a carnival and we had loads and loads of fun. YongYi and gang led the live band and the crowd cheered through out the presentations of songs. Food was more than enough to feed hundreds of people. Games were very well planned and kids enjoyed them thoroughly. Played some games myself too. Played table-tennis with some pros too. Discovered that CDPC has lots and lots of great table-tennis players. Cant tell from their every Sunday look. hahaha. Hannah Yeoh stopped by too and was very quickly pulled into conversations by pastors. Overall I would say that the event/carnival was a very successful one. I enjoyed very much.

Got home at about 3, went online, did some personal stuffs and went to bed about 4pm. Slept till about 8pm. Had dinner, surfed net a little more and decided to go out have a drink with Jia Wei and Kar heng. Enjoyed their company. After yum cha, it was about 12am already. Went home played a game of literati. Chat with some old and new friends and decided to leave house at about 1am.

Well, that was how my day went by. Come to think of it. I really do have a superbly packed weekend. Talk about being tired. hahaha

have a feeling that i'll have a rough week this week. Not too sure why, but no matter what I'll go through, I'll always remember that even the storm, the winds and the waves listen to the One who've created them and I believe in Him.

good nite y'all. All sane and perfectly normal people should be sleeping now already. But me? hahaha.. working lah...

orite, signing off.

ciaoz.

forgotten about you...

2008-07-06T04:40:00.002+08:00

another post with the similar name.

well, the reason why i started blogging was because there was an emptiness, a void in my life, previously occupied by a girl of my dreams. Stopped blogging awhile not because the void has been filled but because my time has been occupied with other things. Part of me wants to rest and the other part wants to just go on and on working and doing other things. I enjoy strecthing myself to the limit. Putting my physical self to the very extreme, learning very much to grow my spiritual self and letting my emotional self rest awhile and not do anything.

Really want a break but then again just do not feel like having a break. Love planning things in advance but nowadays things I do are so ad-hoc I begin to love doing things ad-hocly, unplanned, last minute. Not too good I know but then it shows how flexible i can be. I can have the luxury not to work late, not to work weekends but sometimes, I feel I need to especially overnight jobs. I can learn so much just being alone in the office. I enjoy the drive to work at late nights, no cars, no lights. Seems like a drive to nowhere but yet trusting and knowing that I'll be somewhere.

Sometimes I really don't know who i'll be and what i'll do if it's not for God. I'm not a very spiritual, religous kind of person but i'm a very relationship kinda person. When i get commited to a relationship, I know I want the best for that person and I think that's how I treat my relationship with God. I want to my very best to please Him, to bring glory to His name. I know i'm not made perfect and yet I know that i'm made according to His image, how wrong can that be?

I googled my name... and this is what i've found

Joe
Origin: Hebrew
Meaning: May Jehovah add/give/increase

indeed Has given me so much, He has added so much in my life and every day He increases my portion. I hope whatever that I have I can really share it with everyone. I hope the name Joe does not just stop at the part where I get all that Jehovah gives but I want to be a channel of blessing to others too. What more can I ask, if i really do have a chance to talk to God face to face. I think I will ask Him to add to me humour and ever lasting crappiness. If there's one way that I can win the world for Christ, I would choose to win the world by being a joy bringer. Suddenly i remember a song I used to sing when I was in Australia... it's by planetshakers and it goes like this..

REFLECTOR
Since i've found your love
I've never needed anything to fill my heart
Even when i fall
You're always there with open arms to pick me up

From the start i knew
No one else could make me feel the way you do
Everyday i want to grow
Just a little bit closer, just a little bit closer

I want to be a reflector
I want to shine with your glory
I want to let the whole world know that you're
Living in me

I want to burn with your fire
Shine my light a little brighter
I want to let the whole world know that
Jesus Lives in me

What a privilege it will be to be a reflector of Christ. That's what I want to be and that's what I'll strive to be.

How time flies, it's July already. Suddenly I feel the reality of life. Everyday passes me by and I feel i did not do enough for that particular day. Someone told me today that no time is wasted time. For it is from what we've been thru and what we've learned that makes us who we are today. Well couldnt say it better myself.

I would like to do a survey one day, send out a questionaire to 100 friends and see what they say about me. hahaha. Hopefully most of them would say I'm a joy bringer more than a sorrow bringer. Well, then again.. sometimes it's not what others say that matter. Even if the whole world thinks i'm crazy, i'm not good enough... as long as my family, my close friends knows i've done my best and i'm who i am, that's satisfying enough and I think that matters more to me than whatever global recognition that I will ever receive one day.

443am right now. Hopefully everything is smooth at work. I should be able to leave by 6am, go home sleep awhile and go church bout 8+ to help out.

CDPC is 8 years old today. Enjoyed growing with CDPC and hopefully I can contribute for many more 8 years to come.

signing off...
ciaoz..

forgotten about you...

2008-06-22T20:08:00.002+08:00

hahaha.. my blog lah.. who else?

wow, totally forgotten i have a blog. Must be too caught up with everything that has happened. Work was quite crazy, preparing for wedding was quite crazy too but the results and the outcome was satisfying enough and I do hope Aaron and Joyce really enjoy themselves yesterday. Hmm.. where should i start...

let's go back to friday...
well, got to work about 8+. Nothing much to do at work coz I was actually asked to attend a meeting at KLCC 29th floor, Microsoft office. After entering the office, I now know what an office should really be like. Colors everywhere, cafe, nasi lemak, sofa, Xbox?, hahaha... now that's working with an attitude. how I wish my office was like that.. after meeting, makaned at Wisma Central which is becoming quite popular in my lunch place list when i'm in KL. After makaned, dissapeared around 3pm. Supposed to help out in the decoration and stuffs but was a little sick so decided to have a short nap. Dinner was superb that night coz we had a Koinonia reunion. Makaned at Jo's Restaurant. Well, actually I opened it wan, din tell everyone only. Hahahha. Just kidding.

dinner was cut short coz we have to run through the wedding rehearsal and we needed it to end early coz the next day was the big day already. So rehearsal was smooth and we ended about 10pm. After that, mamak with the guys. hmm.. which really makes me think. Back in melbourne, definitely there's someone carrying a camera wherever we went, that explains the 10000's of photos I have from Melbourne. I'm going to start of that trend again. Capturing all the wonderful moments I have with all my pals and uploading them all to facebook. Abit dissapointed/sad coz the photos for the past 3 years mostly were taken with her and of course posting it in facebook would make her angry I guess.. well, so have to take more photos from now on.. hahaha

saturday was an extreme day for me...
started out at about 8am... got to church, opened the doors, etc. Turn on the music and just chilled till about 815am when the florists brought fresh flowers for deco. Lepak there till about 930am then ppl started coming. Every single wedding in church either prior to or during, sure one song will be played and it has brings back lots and lots of memories when I'm with her. Steven Curtis Chapman's I will be here... nice song, super lovely type.. hahaha. Anyway, after that the people started coming in and things get more and more heavy on me but it was fun. Especially when Uncle Thea keeps smiling non-stop. I'm sure he's super happy coz he smiled from 10am till 10pm. Hahaha. The ceremony was good. I was super nervous being the emcee and also thinking what was left out the whole time. Every single minute I was asking God for more grace and wisdom to plan and to remember.. Thank God He was there all the time. After the ceremony, went over to Aaron's to pick up some beer and wine to be brought over to Tai Thong. Thank God for Anthony's storm, we can put all of it in one go. Reached tai thong and after unloading, it rained cats and dogs.. hahaha super funny putting that in a sentence. Anyway, again it was all God's timing. Not letting it rain a few minutes earlier or else all the wine and beer will be wet. After the transporting, went home and was dead tired... after showering, collapsed on my bed and slept for about 45 minutes. Dreamt a sweet dream too... hahaha duwan to share.
Was awaken by an sms by Kelvin and then I rushed to change and drove out to pick him up. We got to the restaurant about 530pm and the cham cha session has already begun. Kelvin started video-ing and I went to look for the restaurant manager to get him to arrange seatings, songs for walking in, vegetarian meals, baby-chairs, wine pouring, sequence of events... etc. Wow, lots of things to plan ok for wedding. I think God is preparing me to throw a superb wedding celebration for my own in the future. hahaha. Not too sure how long more lah.. all in His time.

during the entire dinner, I think my table (all ex-Seafieldians) were the noisiest and craziest but it was so good catching up with all of them. We drank almost one carton of beer and was half cuckoo already by the end of the dinner. Dinner ended about 11+pm and everyone wanted to go karaoke which is just 1 floor up. The gang went up to get a room first while I was packing up and making sure everything was done properly at the end. Went up 10 mins later and not knowing which room they were in, told the receptionist that there was big crowd who just came up and the waiter brought me from room to room and I was laughing all the way coz it was all the wrong room. Decided to call jiawei and to my surprised, they were all downstairs waiting for me... argh!! hahaha.

we went over K3K benta kaya for supper to wait till 12am coz neway a little cheaper after 12. Had a crazy time crossing the road and CheeWai was already more than half cuckoo... hahaha. Enjoyed the brief coffee session at K3K and proceeded to Karaoke there after.

Went in and immediately wanted to sleep coz the sight of the comfy sofa was too captivating.. hahaha. but ended up singing almost all the songs coz somehow karaoke songs are very suitable for heartbroken people... songs like... All by myself, Unbreak my heart, Feelings, quit playing games with my heart, Yesterday, etc.. hahaha.. Enjoyed the singing session. Really crazy people but enjoyed thoroughly. Played dice with Alle and made her drink alot.. muahahaha that's classic man.

after karaoke, headed over to jiawei's for football match between holland and russia which of course Russia won... stupid. Now i have to pay for JiaWei's futsal next tuesday. Hahaha. Anyway, everyone was sleeping and not watching so after half time we all decided to go home. KarHeng was way past drunk. Hahaha. Came home about 4+. After changing, washing up, etc... collapsed once more on my bed with lots and lots of happy thoughts. Thanked God for the entired day and told Him my heart's desire and trusting that somehow someway He knows what's best.

Woke up about 1030 this morning and skipped church... super malas. hahaha

went over to YongYi's at about 1pm for worship team gathering and laughed and laughed at games played and was real encouraged by the sharing of the new members who joined. Gathering ended at about 3pm and I came home to sleep again after that... i've been really sleeping alot nowadays i mean after noon naps where I used to tell Leng that long noon naps are no good... hahaha now i'm eating my own words.. kakaka... well, I love sleeping nowadays coz when things in reality are not really what you want sometimes, all you need to do is to sleep and dream and hopefully you manage to dream the dream you wanna dream... understand??

well, a long post to compensate the missing posts for the past few days...

signing off with tiredness but full of joy...

ciaoz.

sleepy at work..

2008-06-18T02:14:00.002+08:00

came in work around 10pm.. went for a drink with my colleagues till about 11pm, went up to 23rd floor to meet up with the users i'm supporting. Waited till about 12am for some processes to complete and went out for a drink again.. just got back and here I am blogging at 8th floor. hahaha...

very very sleepy already... another 8 hours to go before I can go home... hopefully all works well and no problem at all. Found myself a PC with full internet access. hahaha can play any games I like while standing by.

orite.. goin to check out what else I can do before going back to 23rd to support the users.

ciaoz...

all in a day's work...

2008-06-16T23:32:00.002+08:00

got up at 6am today.. left house before 7 to reach office bout 8am. Stucked in jam for more than an hour. Thank God i don't work in KL all the time. Big problem this morning but luckily solved before the any major issues happened. Tons of big bosses staring and breathing down my neck while problem was being solved. Thank God it was solved. Phew... hahaha

super tired today. Left KL at about 2pm and got to office bout 245pm after stopping by at Dunkin Doughnuts to get my colleagues some makanan after their hard labour everyday. Got some terrible accident happened right in front of my office. Car skidded off the road, knocked down 4 small trees then flew on the lamp post and knocked it down.. driver was unhurt.

left work at about 930pm.. system all okay but application has some issues. Hopefully all okay tomorrow. Going 2 sleep now. Mind can't really think properly already. Haha

alrite..

g'nite
ciaoz.

end of yet another weekend... kan cheong

2008-06-16T00:13:00.003+08:00

hahaha..
dunno why suddenly abit kancheong for A&J's wedding. Thinking of whether I forget anything.. hmm.. hopefully and prayerfully all works out fine. 3rd time being wedding coordinator but this time more kan cheong. Got a checklist of things to do but need a checklist for my checklist. Hahaha coz i'm thinking whether or not i've left out things in my checklist.

gonna be busy for this entire week. Work, wedding, etc. Good practise for time management. Cant wait for saturday. Super happy for them and I know they are much more happier. Hahaha. Good good..

going to sleep already. Need all the rest I can get. Need to work in KL this week so I need to wake up extra earlier to beat the jam.

well, that's all. I had a great week followed by a fun weekend. Can't ask for anything better.

have a good week ahead y'all... I know I will..

ciaoz.

2 more to go..

2008-06-15T00:48:00.002+08:00

just came home from Sunny's and Sue Huei's wedding. Quite a grand one at Westin. Food pretty alright and live band was good. The lead singer for the live band was real pretty and she was just in front of us cause my table was in front of the stage. Guess she's somewhere my age. If I was 5 years younger, i might have taken the move to talk to her. Somehow I just feel so tired just smiled at her when I was leaving and she smiled back. Cool huh? hahaha

sighs...

clueless... directionless... was lost in KL just now.. but somehow got to the correct road. Saw lots of people having fun near the clubs areas... laughing and jumping around in the street.. what's their motivation? what's their drive? hmm... just plain ol' alcohol? or more than that..

well... don't intend to be as crazy as them. Just want to be who He has made me to be. Even if many people hates me for who I am, as long as He thinks I'm ok.. i'm satisfied.

good nite y'all..
headache maximum..

ciaoz.

my weekend..

2008-06-14T10:52:00.002+08:00

got home about 5 this morning. Woke up bout 9am. Strangely enough, can't sleep already. Maybe i'll feel sleepy in French class later. hahaha.

got to work bout 11+ last night and was told that the real work only starts at 8+ this morning. Sat and talked with my colleague till about 2am and left office to join CheeWai for the Holland France match which proved to be worth watching. 5 goals. Holland needless to say, trashing France 4-1. Well, my prediction was 3-0 so I was quite close right? hahaha.

well, everyone's still asleep right now. Parents are awake, reading the newspaper. bro and sis(s) all still tiduring. Now who went to work at night? hahaha. Attending yet another wedding tonight. Opportunity to learn how to throw a good wedding ceremony in the future. Muahaha.

what to do ar? thinking of going out but it's already 11am. Don't want to be too rush for my french class later. Maybe a game of yahoo pool? or some quick CS shooting? still thinking. Too lazy to do other things. Anyway I'm suppose to rest on the weekends right?

oritey... guess i'll really go do something.

ciaoz..

being a witness....

2008-06-13T15:21:00.001+08:00

home..

witnessed a marriage just now.. as in was a witness to a marriage registration just now. hehehe. signed someone away. muahaha.

somehow i was abit kan cheong while signing. Scared sign wrongly, pen no ink half way, etc. glad everything was alright. Glad i was a witness. First time... so anyone else want to find witness? hahaha. Real joyous occasion though it was just for like 30mins. really an honour to be there. Now they are officially married!! hahaha.

orite.. really have to go sleep for awhile. Nite and day somehow got mixed up a little in my bio clock. Next week gonna be worse. Have to be healthy, cant afford to fall sick for the next couple of weeks. Sick oso have to work!..

tiduring in ...
3
2
1

ZZZzzzzzzZzzzzzzzz

project launch...

2008-06-13T09:00:00.000+08:00

got home about 1am this morning. After taking a bath, sat downstairs while savoring my tofu and salted vege soup, I watched the game played between Croatia and Germany. First game my prediction was wrong. Sighs. Now my pool abit cacat already. Hopefully Croatia lose the next game and Germany wins the next game. Hahaha.

did not watched the whole game as I was just too too exhausted after a long day of work. Today will be better. Leaving office at about 1pm later to go for A&J's marriage registration. Hopefully nothing goes wrong in office or else, they cant get married and I'll be the cause. hahaha. nolar just kidding. Even if servers crash, storage crash, I'll still go!! privillege man. First time being a witness to a marriage. Cool...

gonna be busy the next couple of weeks.. need sharp mind. Can't screw things up at this time...
back to work.

yay... project launch today...
please.. no problem!!!

ciaoz.

=)

finally....

2008-06-12T09:17:00.002+08:00

finally, the pool has been won. Unfortunately i knew i had no chance after 25 minutes of the game. Hahaha. Poor John, honey on the lips but yet to savour the sweetness. Hahaha.

had a good time chatting with a very good friend last night. Worries are written on his forehead. Hopefully he'll feel much better today. Decided to spend at least a day per week with good friends to either catch up or just be there for them. Must always remember not too give advise when I'm not asked to. Lead to too many problems after that. hahaha

today's thursday... hmm what am I going to do tonight? that is if I get off from work early. Or else i'll just stay at home, laze around till 12 to catch the game between Germany and Croatia. Hahaha. Euro fever starting to pick up already. After this, Olympics!!! yea.. should take leave to watch at home lah.

better go start work. tons of problems already. Just been told, have to work late tonight.
Great.

ciaoz
=)

earliest to work... yayy..

2008-06-11T08:25:00.002+08:00

in office earliest.. hahaha

slept extremely well yesterday after a long and tiring game of futsal. Must say that this is the best sleep i've gotten for a long long time. Legs still hurting, sprained my right hand a little. Thanks to the keeper session for a game. Forgotten to apply some medicine, still aching..

no one got the score right again today. It's Spain 4-1 Russia hahaha.. looks like it's gonna roll over to another day again..

gonna go download some latest patches now. It's patching day again. Strange thing that we have to manually download the patch every month.

when is June going to be over? hahaha. I like being busy but this project is killing. Never knowing what's going to happen next. Super unpredictable... like life only.

orite. better get started with work. Don't want to stay here till 10pm.
good morning!!!

ciaoz.
=)

Beautiful Morning...

2008-06-10T08:32:00.002+08:00

hahaha... slept at 11pm last night so did not post anything.woke up a couple of times but missed the match between holland and italy... no one guessed it right cause Holland was in a class of it's own. Dull game between France and Romania. Hahaha so far so good. My prediction for the entire Euro still correct. Hehehe...

Woke up at the right side of bed today. Actually i really did. Hahaha. But well, real happy today. Looking forward for lots of jobs today. then again.. cant wait for June to be over. Lots of unwanted problems happening here and there with the current project and some relationships turning sour amongst colleauges due to these problems. Hope everything will be back to normal once this project is done and over with. Futsal is on tonight. Can't wait to score some goals.

had a fun time at my PBE class last night. Really felt like a kid there. Hahaha. Had a good time at gym too thereafter. really have to spend more time there to justify the monthly fees i'm paying for. Have not attended any classes before. Maybe I should join taichi class. hahaha.

orite.. more people in already. Have to start work. Phone calls are also coming in already.

to all... Good Morning and May the good Lord bless you and keep you safe always!!!

ciaoz
=)

tiredness... end of weekend.

2008-06-08T21:19:00.002+08:00

Slept from 2pm till about 5pm today..

somehow that's becoming a routine on Sunday. Must be accumulated tiredness from the entire week.

without realizing it, it's already half way past year 2008. Been an incredible year so far. Good times, bad times.. you name it I got it. But through it all, God has been good and has always been there to see my through thick and thin. Not too sure what the other half of the year has for me but will surely be patient enough to wait and see as days unfold by itself.

had a nice time planning and discussing for A&J's wedding. Being a wedding coordinator is quite cool after all. I think this is the 3rd wedding i'm coordinating. Building up an impressive resume. hahaha. If ever public bank has no use of my service already then i'll start my own wedding planners company. Got the slogan already... "The journey of love begins here..." hahaha..

discount for all who know me. For those who don't, depends lah.. if you can tell me why you want to marry your wife/husband with a good enough reason then 10% discount up front. Cool eh?

ok lah.. i'm going off already. Thinking of just reading some books till I fall asleep.

good night all and be ready for the week ahead, don't be a victim to the Blue Monday!! hahaha

ciaoz
=P

1 down.. 3 to go.

2008-06-08T08:44:00.003+08:00

yupp.. 3 more weddings for the next 3 weeks.

enjoy attending weddings cause it gives you ideas of how yours should be... but if you're at the age where, why another wedding? but not mine? then it's a little not too enjoyable to be at a wedding.. =)

well, was at church for almost the whole day from wedding ceremony to saturday service... then rushed off to Hyatt where for the first time, do not need to wait for the food to be served cause we practically arrived at the time the first dish was about to be served. Hahaha.

must be abit blur yesterday cause I thought I did write about it and I did update my blog but well, hehehe.. maybe blogged in my dreams though. Pastor said something real cool yesterday that on average humans dream 2 hours a night. Well, I think I did and I'm pretty sure it was more than 2 hours yesterday. Seems like an entire life was flashed before eyes. Hahaha. It was like the movie Scrooge where you actually see yourself in the 'movie'. Well, dreams are what made some of the most successful people in the world today. My ambition.. to be a dreamer. hahaha

alright, need to go make up to prepare for church. Just realized I need to say opening prayer for A&J's wedding... panic nya...

have a nice Sunday.. get all the rest you need before facing a new challenging week ahead..

adios..

ciaoz..
=)

game in progress.... =)

2008-06-07T01:36:00.008+08:00

muahahaha... while waiting..

muahaha

when's my turn? =)

another week...

2008-06-07T01:16:00.001+08:00

end of the week...time flies by really so quickly..

have not practise for PBE class yet. Sure gonna kena marah by teacher. Haha.
next week gonna be quite busy. Testing period for new servers and systems. Hopefully all's well.. next next week will be the ultimate test of all. Live date. Going to be on standby 24 hours. Must work on shift. Will be working at night for 3 nights from 10pm to 9am. Hopefully nothing goes wrong so can tidur awhile.. hahaha

had quite a good day today. Enjoyed my work. Got pretty lots of stuffs done today. Hopefully i'll get no calls this weekend. Gonna be busy too this weekend. Helping out in a wedding later and thereafter gonna be on duty for PA followed by the wedding dinner. Just gonna enjoy the makan, the programme, share the happiness and just be happy.

Very tired and sleepy now but in the middle of a game. Addicted to Literati recently and have been playing almost every night with cellies. Quite a challenging game and also a good time to catch up with them.

at the end of a week... as I reflect on the things i've learnt and the things i've yet to achieve... sure lots of areas to improve. Really need to reduce my ego and really start becoming a patient and ever ready to learn from others kinda person...

need humility.

must concentrate on my game.. or else i'll lose.
must win..
hahaha

ciaoz. =P

blogging for a reason..

2008-06-05T23:48:00.004+08:00

before i start writing.. i'm going to laugh... hahahaha..
ok i'm being sarcastic... but well haha just being me.

today was good, had zhong for breakfast, mum made. Delicious.. yummy.
got to work one of the earliest and got my favourite parking space. Conversation topic for today is all about fuel price hike. Did a simple calculation and realized i'm going to unnecesarily spend almost 300bux more on petrol. Thanks to some people who are not running the show well enough.

had milo and biscuits for lunch coz was abit lazy to go out for lunch and was quite full too. Aircon was quite strong today. I think it was like 19degrees but felt more like 16. Ended work about 7pm, not too bad. Took a slow drive home and had chap fan for dinner. After dinner, continue reading my book for awhile before heading to the gym where I saw my big boss. Said hie and turned away quickly. Hahaha

Renewed my gym for another 2 years. Have not been utilizing it fully so going to make my money well spend this time around. Came home, surfed net. Answered a couple of mails and a couple of msn messages and had a nice chat with a good friend who gave me some pointers here and there and also some good and some not so good advises. hahaha juz kidding. Anyway, thank you for your time. Appreciate your advise. Will listen to it.

before i sign off... some comic to entertain y'all. Took it form Alicia's(cdpc) mail. Haha.. enjoy..

End of yet another day. Going to sleep now.

Good Nite.

ciaoz. =)

roller coaster ride...

2008-06-04T23:08:00.004+08:00

i always wonder how it feels like to have extreme ups and extreme downs in life.

for the past couple of weeks I really felt the ups and downs and was at quite an extreme down level last night. Almost brought me back to where I started. But after a long conversation with God, I felt so much better this morning. It was a big relief.

decided to really really put everything down for awhile to concentrate on my work and to spend more time with my family and friends. Going to be busy for the next couple of months with projects, weddings to attend, church camp, etc. Can really see that I'll definitely learn lots of new things and will most certainly meet lots of new faces and make new friends. Something really good is definitely gonna come out of this.

something i've managed to catch for the past few days would be the word "adaptability". Sometimes when we are throwned to a completely foreign situation, we panic, we lose direction, we cry out. But after awhile, we somehow get used to it and we managed to adapt. So I would say I'm going through an adaptability phase. Well, everyday there's sure to be new challenges awaiting us so I really do not intend to dwell in past problems anymore so that I can really move on to face bigger challenges in life.

world inflation sure to happen. Economy crisis predicted to happen soon too. Well, better be ready. Must really learn how to live below means.. Can still enjoy life but not luxurious life lah.

2mr marks the highest one-time increase for petrol in malaysian history. Lots of people will feel it and definitely there'll be a ripple effect to other things as well.. rice, flour, eggs, bread.. etc

muz eat bread already... hahaha eat Jusco bread. muahaha

k lah..

nite y'all..
going out to see people line up at petrol station.. hehehe jk.

a comic for all.

ciaoz.

proper closure to a beautiful journey.

2008-06-04T09:22:00.000+08:00

what will be the single most difficult decision you have to make in life. Well, I just made one this morning and I'm not going to regret it cause i prayed the whole night and He gave me all the courage and bravery in the world to make the decision.

Lots to write, don't know where to start..

well..Enjoy this beautiful day knowing that He has made it beautiful for you and I. Trusting God is not an easy thing to do, not because He is not trustworthy but because I have to admit I'm a person with little faith. Over the pass few weeks, i've learnt how to really depend on Him. Boss say don't pray for a challenge cause you will regret it. Well, I think I understand what that means.

amazing journey I had, will never ever trade it with anything.
Thank you Lord for the experience. Made me realize I'm not too bad after all.

Dear Lord,
When I'm weak, You're strong.
When I'm lost, You're my guide.
When I'm afraid, You're my refuge
When I'm helpless, You're my help.
When I'm doubtful and dumbfounded, You're the answer.

Everyday I need to be reminded that indeed I know not what tomorrow holds but I know who holds tomorrow.

The joy of the Lord is my strength. I'm claiming it for my life too.

Amen.

dad's birthday...

2008-06-02T23:43:00.003+08:00

work was good today...

got tied down with quite alot of thinking work to do so it was good. Used my brain juice rightly. hahaha. I think nearing the mega project, work is definitely picking up speed. More work coming my way and I'm loving it. Everything went smoothly today till I was about to leave about 6pm and 3 servers came crashing down at the same time. Strange but true. No virus, no power trip, no hardware malfunction. Gave a call to Microsoft China to open a critical A case and got almost immediate response. Stayed on till about 7pm and have to leave to celebrate dad's birthday. Colleague took over and am grateful.

Makaned near ruby theatre, restaurant called Lucky Seafood. Food was not bad. Highly recommended by Granddad. Makaned about 7 dishes and was quite full. Came home makaned cake and gave dad his birthday present. An antic looking mechanical watch from Germany. I think he likes it. Phew, not everyday I managed to get a present that the recipient likes.. hehehe. Thank God. Glad I share the same view with dad on how God is ever present in our lives and how we can always trust Him to provide for us in whatever situation we may be in. My prayer is that God would continue to bless my dad with good health and grant him his heart's desires. I trust that He indeed will do so.

After makaned, Richard came over for an interview on education. Glad we could all help him. Enjoyed the interview session and also some photography session. Guess I'm going to be a star... hahaha.. jk..

Another day passed me by. End result today.... HAPPY.

gonna really be happy and joyful everyday. Doesnt matter if i'm labelled as a joker or a clown. As long as I bring happiness.. true happiness to all, I'll be super happy too.

if ever I get to choose how I live my life. I think i'll decide on the same route. Of course slight improvements here and there but still pretty satisfied with everything I've achieved. Looking forward to more happy times ahead and honestly I've learnt so much for the past couple of months. Wouldnt want to trade them away for anythig.

Dear Lord,
Thank You so much for everything that You blessed me with.
My achievements today speaks of Your ever abiding grace and Your countless blessings.
I do not know what tomorrow holds but I'm most certainly glad that I know You who holds tomorrow.

Amen.

nite y'all...

We know not what tomorrow brings ...

2008-06-02T14:36:00.002+08:00

We know not what tomorrow brings ...
Although we plan ahead For only God alone can know ... the pathway we must tread.
We cannot know the future ...
not one minute nor one hour Each circumstance that we must face ... lay only in His power.
It's vital that we live by faith ...
from minute unto minute And trusting that each step we take ... He's walking with us in it.
We cannot see the future ...
nor the trials we must face But in all things, God promised us ... sufficiency of grace.
This alone should give us hope ...
whatever be our plans In knowing that our future lies ... in His sweet, loving hands.

-Betty Purser Patten

thanks wee lee... somehow I needed it today.

Good morning America... oops Malaysia i mean.

2008-06-02T09:16:00.000+08:00

sunday flew by like it was just a few hours.

did lotsa things yesterday.. from sleeping at 3am after drinking session to waking up at 10am, spent sometime at home before proceeding to church at about 12pm.. did lots of planning for Church camp. Enjoyed the discussion session, lots of laughter and lots of evil smiles thinking of how people will suffer... hahaha i meant enjoy. Need to finalize the team building events and also the talent night activity. After the activity, had lunch with Boss and then on the way home bought some Yim Kuk kai for Leng's family. Got to see her awhile to pick up my chocolate from langkawi too. And when I mean awhile it's like thanks, bye. Hahaha. but it's enough lah. Got to see her and it's like.. wah.. yayy.. hahaha. Like small boy seeing magnum ice cream for the first time.

went home and slept from 330 to 730. Something went wrong somewhere in my head I guess. Woke up super blur. hahaha. ate some "got taste rice" for dinner then went to pyramid to shop for dad's birthday present. I think there's a huge difference how a guy shops and how a girl shops. I just go into a shop, see the item I want, go to the counter, pay and cabut. hahaha. Bought a few shirts for myself too. Thought I took a long time but ended up only spending about an hour in pyramid. Went home thereafter, went online and chat with friends. Then after that Literati... hahaha

enjoyed talking with Counselor Ling and BoonYee. Shared and also got lots of advises. Really am privilleged and honored to have people who cares so much, who gives me encouragements freely.

well, that was how my Sunday went by. Today's Monday. First working day of the week. Must start the week with happiness and joyfulness, excitement and lesser expectation. Must be less demanding, and easily satisfied. This way, I can be a happier person.

have a good day y'all..

ciaoz..

something different for a change...

2008-06-01T01:54:00.002+08:00

without realizing it, it's already June.

had a busy day today... slept about 4am this morning after playing 2 rounds of literati which of course I won.. hahaha. Got up about 9am and at about 10am went out for a drink with a friend who needs some assistance for his cover story. Enjoyed the cathing up session and I think I really can be of use to more people nowadays and I enjoy being able to help. After minum, got home and decided to take a short nap before my French class. Learnt alot at French class and really had a good time laughing with pronounciation and phrases. Hopefuly one day when I go over to France, people will be able to understand me.

After French, went over to church cause I was on duty as PA. Learnt a new song that really ministered to me. A song called "Yesus Kekuatanku" written by an indonesian band. Although there were just a small group at church today, but I know God was there in our midst. After church, came home changed and decided to YouTube the band and listen to the song again. Brought me to tears but I enjoyed being ministered. Left house at about 9pm for a drinking session with Aaron and some of my schoolmates. Really enjoyed just drinking and talking just about anything. Friends have been encouraging knowing what I went through and I must say that some of these friends barely know me although we know each other for years, yet they do care. Spent some time talking with a friend who is also going thru a somewhat similar situation but I would think he had it worst than me. Offered some advise and also offered to listen. Going to make it a commitment to be there for him and also to commit my next week to pray for him.

Wanted really to see her today but i know it's not possible. Again, prayed about it and the feeling slowly subside. Wonder how long this feelng will last. Selfishly, I do not want it to end but then again, not up to me to think but up to God to plan for me.

Glad Aaron and Joyce are getting married. Seeing people I know get married really makes me so happy cause i get to witness 2 people being in love, making a commitment to spend the rest of their lives together. I know one day I would have that day too.. but again, not going to think too much on it.

Supposed to be half drunk but once I on my PC, I'm super awake again. Johnnie Walker and tequila burning my throat and stomach but head still very clear. Guess i'm going to lose my voice tomorrow or should I say later.

Just an advise to all that there are bound to be problems in everyone's life. It's a matter of choice whether to overcome it or to linger on at the same place. I chose to overcome and seriously sometimes I still linger on but knowing that God is there pulling me through gives me great encouragement to overcome.

going to just chill a little and to just be who He wants me to be. Whatever comes my way, let it come and i'll gladly take on whatever He has planned for me. Easy to say but difficult to implement. Need grace, more grace..... I know He will provide.

nite y'all.

ciaoz.

cell nite...

2008-05-30T19:51:00.002+08:00

Friday is here again. Week passed by very fast this week. Growing old by the minute. Hahaha.
Anyway, glad the weekend is here. Tomorrow going to just relax and rest at home for the morning then it'll be packed with programmes from 12pm onwards. Next week should be the week everyone starts running around at work. Mega project about to begin in 2 weeks time. Hopefully all will be smooth and good.

hmm, shed some weight recently. Feeling real good about myself, hoping to maintain my weight so i'll need to watch my eating habit. hahaha. Only eat good food for a change. Good as in nutritious and healthy. Must cut down on my spare parts makaning habit. Once in a blue moon should be fine I guess. Hahaha.

Ate some real nice durians just now. Hoping to find some superb ones to really satisfy the durian addiction. Maybe I'll wait a couple of weeks for the Pahang durian to arrive. Hmm... lots of events happening soon. Weddings, parties, dinners, minums, etc. Hopefully I wont be tired after work everyday cause work gonna be like from 8am to 10pm almost every night once the project is launched. Need strength. Extra human strength.

well, after all said... really had a good week of working and catching up with friends. Enjoyed thoroughly, though tired. Looking for more good times ahead but if there are bad times, I'll also be strong to overcome them in His name.

ciaoz.

thurs nite.. a good day.

2008-05-29T23:04:00.002+08:00

Work was quite cool today... enjoyed solving problems and enjoyed laughing around with my colleagues. You must be wondering what job i'm doing, laughing everyday. Hahaha..

after work, came home makaned dinner and fell asleep. Must be tired from the countless late nights. Woke up bout 9pm, bathed and watched tv awhile then came online. Watched some music videos from YouTube on True worshippers and Franky Sihombing. People from all nations, all tongues glorifying God in their own languages and in their own ways. Truly amazed by the work of God in the world.

looking forward to this weekend. Really just want to enjoy rest for a change. Have been so caught up with everything that has happened till I've forgotten how to really rest. God is so thoughtful that He even created rest days for us. Seriously, taking everyday by itself is so so much easier than making countless plans for my future. Gonna enjoy this process of being cared for and taken care of.

going to play CS for awhile before hitting the sack again...

nite y'all...
God bless you!!

late post... =)

2008-05-29T12:05:00.001+08:00

work was good yesterday...

first half of the day was like the good old days.. lots of calls and lots of problems but managable and solvable. Hahaha. 2nd half of day work slowed down a little and had time to catch up with some of my own R&D work.

After work, got home.. makaned then went to gym till about 10+. Went home, changed then went to GT to find John and Simon for drinking session. Drinking teh tarik that is. hahaha. Enjoyed chatting with the married Simon. Giving info and guides on how to understand what a girl wants. Hmm, I think I can clearly see that he eat salt more than I eat rice. Hahaha. But greatly enlightened. Simple facts that I needed to know about yet did not practise. Well, not too late cause I'm still young, lots more time to put into practise.

wanted to blog last night but decided to put myself to bed earlier than usual which is like still about 1am. Cant really sleep so enjoyed a nice chat with Him before really sleeping.

having a nice start to the day right now. Will continue to be positive and enjoy every minute that He has blessed me with.

have a nice day y'all

human after all...

2008-05-27T22:48:00.002+08:00

had quite an alright day... joking and laughing throughout..
work was as usual.. pretty slow.

hate it.. hopefully again tomorrow will be better.

futsal was good. Very tired but somehow I needed it. Twisted my ankle but somehow I needed it. Need to feel pain. Need to realize i'm human after all. On the way back, my heart stopped pumping awhile, reality sinks in again. Realize everything is not a dream anymore. Heartache, depressed, needed strength. Seriously without God in my life, I think I would be directionless, purposeless...

came home, had a shower. Sat on my bed and stared into darkness. Prayed and asked God for strength again. Being tough and positive all the time sure is tiring. After awhile, started smiling again. Felt the love of God surrounding me and heard Him saying it's all ok now. Really needed it.

Going to sleep early today. Not knowing what lies ahead sure is not fun but I'm learning how to depend on the creator of today and tomorrow. Used to know so many things in advance, used to plan so many trips and fun times in advance. Used to do so many many things but now I'm just going to take everyday by itself.

no hahahas today.. just a phew.... I survived.

Thank you Lord.

nitez.

boring Monday... happy ending.

2008-05-27T00:25:00.003+08:00

real bored at work today... full of semangat to start off the week but work was super slow.
Alot of people on leave and most of the people around were walking around chatting and just waiting for time to pass by. Enjoyed some quick chat with colleagues but times between real real boring. Hopefully tomorrow or should I say later... will be much better.

Had my PBE class at about 830pm. Again, laughed thru out. Enjoyed learning and playing like a kid again. Hahaha. After class went for a drink with University mates. Deakin mates to be exact. 4 of us were there at Murni.. Simon, HanYie, CheeWai and myself. Enjoyed reminiscing the good old times. How we wished we were still in University and we could start all over again. hahaha. Anyway, really enjoyed. Gonna spend more time catching up with them and really be a part of somebody's life, to listen to and just be there for my good friends. Had too much of teh tarik nowadays. Kurang manis is always sweeter than don't say anything. Must be the waiter angry always ask him kurang manis, he tambah manis pulak. hahaha. Must cut down on sugar intake. Really getting crazy nowadays. Smiling and laughing all the time. High on sugar content.

Finally tomorrow night got futsal after postponing for like 3 weeks. Legs itchy already. My bright orange boots hanging there crying out to be worn. Futsal starting at 8pm so no chance to play badminton. Maybe will play on thursday instead. Hmm... thank God I have lots of activities lined up all the way till July. Hopefully by then I'll feel much much better... even much better than before. My goal for this year which is a new goal cause the goals made at the beginning of the year cannot work already..... the goal is to really improve on areas that I've been lacking..

my passion to serve is an area I have to relook at. My commitments to friends and families. My communication skills. My patience level. My skills and abilities be at work or at games. My personal devotion time. My view towards relationships.

all of the above are my new goals... as long as I can fulfill 80% of the above, I consider myself pass. Hahaha

gonna force myself to sleep although I'm not at all sleepy. Need my beauty sleep mah... hahaha

nitez y'all...

weekend coming to an end...

2008-05-25T22:31:00.002+08:00

yeap.. enjoyed myself this weekend.

spend most of the time just chilling and doing almost nothing. Rested, recuperated, energized and ever ready for a new week ahead.

sermon today was very timely and very informative I must say. Indeed it's difficult to understand the will of God. Why evil happen to good people? Why innocent people have to die? Why this or that happen to us? So many questions but have we ever thought of it this way.... Why are the stars shinning so brightly every night? Why is the sun producing sunlight for the trees and plants? Why is there oxygen in the air for us to breathe? Why is there night for us to sleep and day for us work? hahaha... when you think of it this way, you'll understand that everything happen based on the sovereignty of God and He alone has full control over nature, humanity and time.

Sometimes we think that God is never around us. He never cares. He allows bad things to happen to us and our loved ones. He did not answer our prayer after years of praying. He may not even bother anymore. But then again.... think again. When we sleep at night. What is keeping the roof from falling down on us? What is keeping our heart pumping with oxygen throughout our body even when we sleep? Who is allowing the sun to shine so brightly every morning? Who gave you the ability and wisdom to work to earn a living? We tend to take all the small little things in life for granted and we tend to highlight certain issue to blame God when all He has been doing is to give and to give..... for He cares.. I for one am guilty too. The book of Job clearly shows us that God made everything the way it is and who are we to question what God is to do next or who are we to ask God to do things the way we want Him to?

I really thank God for creating me the way I am. Sometimes too positive but better positive than negative right? Someone asked me this question.. "Are you sure you just broke up with your girlfriend?" Of course I said.. yah.. and his reply was.. "Dont look like it also." hahaha.. don't know whether it's something good. but yeap... of course there's hurt and pain but the joy I receive from God overcomes all hurt and pain. That's the beauty of having Christ in me. God taught me to be positive in life to prepare myself for more challenges ahead. This may just be a small hurdle in life. If I can't overcome this small hurdle, what more the bigger ones? this may just be the peak of an iceberg. Who knows how big the actual iceberg is? hahaha...

anyway, like i've said earlier.. this weekend has been fabulous. There are times where loneliness fills my heart and soul but it's ok. I need to endure pain to grow. Again... knowing that God is control... sure brings comfort.

maybe i'll call it a day.. tho it's still early
maye I'll just walk around and maybe continue reading my book...

hmm.. hahaha so many maybes...

for me to know and for you to find out then...

nitez..

I know who holds tomorrow

2008-05-25T14:42:00.004+08:00

I Know Who Holds Tomorrow

words and music by Ira Stanphill

Verse 1:
I don't know about tomorrow,

I just live from day to day.

I don't borrow from it's sunshine,

For it's skies may turn to gray.

I don't worry o'er the future,

For I know what Jesus said,

And today I'll walk beside Him,

For He knows what is ahead.

Chorus:

Many things about tomorrow,

I don't seem to understand;

But I know Who holds tomorrow,

And I know Who holds my hand.

Verse 2:
Ev'ry step is getting brighter,

As the golden stairs I climb;

Ev'ry burden's getting lighter;

Ev'ry cloud is silver lined.

There the sun is always shining,

There no tear will dim the eyes,

At the ending of the rainbow,

Where the mountains touch the sky.

Chorus:
Many things about tomorrow,

I don't seem to understand;

But I know Who holds tomorrow,

And I know Who holds my hand.

Verse 3:
I don't know about tomorrow,

It may bring me poverty;

But the One Who feeds the sparrow,

Is the One Who stands by me.

And the path that be my portion,

May be through the flame or flood,

But His presence goes before me,

And I'm covered with His blood.

Chorus:
Many things about tomorrow,

I don't seem to understand;

But I know Who holds tomorrow,

And I know Who holds my hand.

back from yum cha session...

2008-05-25T01:57:00.002+08:00

just got home after some teh tarik with KarHeng and WengKin..

sure is good catching up with them. Went to pelita for some good ol teh tarik and sup kambing. 2 cups of teh tarik sure is keeping me awake. Hahaha. Glad I have the time now to just enjoy the company of my friends. Going to call more of my friends out to catch up with them. Hopefully they wont feel angry cause I only call them out after I broke up. Hahaha. Time will change their mindset. Muahaha.

Glad another day is over. Did not manage to do much but able to spend time with 2 of my best buddies sure is good. In a phase of life where the conversation topic would be, How's work?, where you plan to go for holiday this year? when you getting married? when plan to change car? when plan to buy house? hahaha. talks like these were considered quite uncle a few years back but now it's the only thing we talk about. Anyway, its a phase everyone needs to go through.

On the way back from WengKin's house just awhile ago, the CD was playing "Your eye is on the sparrow". Beautiful song reminding me again that even the sparrows in the sky are being cared for by God. What more we as His ultimate creation?... Thank You Lord again for the reminder. Will never forget that You are always there and will always be there for me.

Enjoyed the drive back, drove super slowly.. and took the fast lane. Hahaha. Lucky not much cars. Passed by SS19, said a simple prayer for Leng. Somehow I feel that there's nothing to worry about anymore. God is in control. Whatever happens, let it happen.. I can plan and plan but no plans are higher than His plans. So be it. I'll gladly accept whatever that is given to me.

thanksgiving item tonight...

Friends.. for always always being there. Though I gave so little time to them, they are readily available for me all the time. This I have to learn.

hmm...a time when this side of the world is sleeping... so quiet, all I can hear is the aircon blowing, loneliness is the feeling I'm suppose to feel but nope.. not now. For I feel I'm surrounded by people who love me for who I am not for who they want me to be. Glad..... smiling like a crazy man, staring at the computer screen... hahaha

nitez y'all...

saturday afternoon..

2008-05-24T13:43:00.003+08:00

doing absolutely nothing..

really have not been doing nothing for a long time. hahaha.
well i'm surfing, blogging, and not even chatting.

just enjoying the aircon in my computer room, picking up random calls from office.

life slows down a little when I have almost nothing to do. Used to enjoy watching dvds on saturday afternoon but I hardly even sit and watch a whole movie nowadays. Have to really find that passion back again.

my life is back on track but I just somehow forget how life was 4 years back. Maybe I was too occupied with work back then that every saturday and sunday seem like time in heaven. Can't wait for my project to start. Then I'll be occupied with project day and night. Hahaha.

Must draw out a plan on how to spend my time. Doubt I'm gonna live to 100 so i may actually past my quarter life already. Hahaha.

Anyway, me gonna enjoy the rest of the day just lazing around and most probably get some friends out for a drink or snooker later at night.

2 all, never ever live in self-pity, gets you no where.
hmm.. that i surely know. hahaha

ciaoz.

after cell...

2008-05-24T00:39:00.003+08:00

had a wonderful time at cell today. Enjoyed the sharing and the learning together. We are actually really really very fortunate being able to come together to sing songs, share, pray, cry, laugh together. Really feel for people who do have the opportunity to do so. Who wants to do so but are unnoticed. Who wants to be cared for but no one is there for them. I feel there's so much needs in the world and there's not enough people who cares. I for one am guilty of not caring enough. I can't do much for people around the world but my prayer can. For people who are near me, whenever I can, I really need to do something to help out to care, to show love and kindness too. Not to expect anything in return but to demonstrate Christ's love to them so that they know that Christ cares for them so much He was willing to sacrifice His life to die for them.

Learnt also that sometimes being Mr. Fix-it-all or Mr. Know-it-all really is no good. Some people may like or treasure a person like me but some may not. I need to learn when to help and when to say "yah I know how you feel" cause sometimes all that person wants is to talk to someone and for the someone to just listen and shut-up. Hope it's not too late to start learning how to show care and concern. Indeed there are many love languages and I think I fail terribly in the area of words of encouragement/affirmation for my words seem to bring down people more than anything. My prayer for this season of change is for God to teach me words to use to encourage and to affirm people. For God to add to my patience and to add to my wisdom to know when to speak and when to listen. For God to teach me to love new love languages to people around me who are so different. Some may require a hug while some needs lots of words of encouragement. I need the wisdom to decide what language for which person. And I really need God's help.

Cell ended with durian and ice-cream buffet. Makaned till super full and I think I will have a sore throat tomorrow.

God really is awesome. I really really feel that I'm where I am today because of His grace. I really thought I can never ever stand up again but in Him everything is possible. I just feel so comfortable knowing that He's in control of all things and His angels are around everyone I love and care for. With that in mind, I can really have peace in my heart and even a smile on my face.

Miss the twins alot. Must pay them a visit someday. Don't know whether can they talk already but I think they must be super cute now.

Time to call it a day...
tomorrow gonna be a long day but hopefully all will be good.

nitez..

end of the week and durians...

2008-05-23T19:03:00.003+08:00

yeap.. it's the end of yet another week. Time's passing by so quickly. Suddenly realize that I'm already 25 years old. It was 8 years ago since I left form 5. Hahaha.

Not too sure why but I'm having the choose to remember and choose to forget kind of thinking right now cause I sure can't remember some parts of my life and I can clearly remember some. Maybe that's how I overcome difficult times? hahaha. i really don't know.

Anyway, work's pretty boring these couple of days. Once the postponement of the major project was announce a couple of days back, everything became super slow and boring. Can come home early somemore. Hopefully next week will be much better.

On the way back from office, stopped by near UPM to get some durians. Looks good from the outside and it even looked good when the durian seller opened a side for me to see. But I just opened one just now and it was "grow potato", "sang fan shue". Hahaha. Wanted to bring one over for leng's father to try but since quality not too good better not lah. Hahaha. Anyway, hopefully the rest of the 7 durians are much better in quality. Texture wise it's already there but quality err.. still too early to tell. If it's good, I'll return for more on Monday. hahaha.

cell's on tonight. Really want to have a good time laughing and sharing with cellies. After that if it's still early, maybe can play RISK!. haha.

alritey.. better go get a shower first. Then go makan mutton curry with rice. Superb delicacy. muahaha.

ciaoz.

Be glad for this is the day that the Lord hath made!

2008-05-23T08:48:00.001+08:00

Indeed be glad... for every breath we breathe comes from him. Every morning, the very fact that we can wake up and see the bright bright sun speaks of his abounding grace and unfailing love and continuous blessings in our lives. On the way to work, said a prayer for everyone I know. Asking that God grant His favour upon everyone's life. I know that He will indeed be the source of strength for all who knows Him.

Life is full of uncertainties, living everyday by faith is difficult but if we really manage to do it, the feeling of overcoming uncertainties by the grace of God is just so overwhelming.

Before we all start work today, why not commit the day to God? remember worship is not just restricted to Fri, Sat and Sunday. Let Him be in every decision you make, in every plans that you plan and He'll make it all good in His time and His own might and beautiful way.

God bless you all and have a joyfilled day.

smiling and laughing within cause of Him.

ciaoz

American Idol finale.. delayed.

2008-05-22T22:26:00.004+08:00

hahaha. I know the results already.

TV showing 2nite. But good also lah, can get to watch. I think both equally good in their own capacity.

Going to be a short post today cause wanna watch AI with family. Great family bonding time. Glad I did what I did today again. Enjoyed every bit of the day. From the boring work to the sending car to service. hahaha should be the other way round. Anyway, somehow I feel so good today. Must be my new shirt. Or my new phone. Eh.. havent buy yet. Hahaha. Ok a bit gila already. My cue...

hahaha.. how i wish.. anyway.. me going to watch AI now.

will post another if still early else call it a day.

ok.. tell you the winner lah...

DAVID!!!

ciaoz.

at home... car sent for service.

2008-05-22T10:05:00.003+08:00

yayy... MU won. Super dramatic towards the end. But i think Chelsea would have won if it wasnt for.. Drogba's sending off and Terry's missed shot. Anyway, the ball is round and it could have gone either way. Another great season for Sir Alex and his kids.

After the game, did not feel sleepy at all. Just stayed up in my bed smiling in my heart knowing that all's good somehow. Strangely enough sometimes I think I'm either too positive in life or crazy. People go through tough time in life too but I think the privilege that I have is that I have God to walk me through this phase of life. Seriously lots of people going through super tough time in life. Compared to theirs, mine's like peanuts. That is why I think instead of counting bad times in life, why not count blessings and good times? I'm sure they out number bad times. And even if they don't, why concentrate on the bad times? God did not make us to keep lingering on on bad and hurtful times. He gave us memory to remember the good times and to learn from the bad. Not too remember bad times and stay there forever right?

We seem to make lots of decisions for our lives and when they are good, we give credit to ourselves, but when they are no good, we blame God and everyone around us. So human isn't it?
From the day I told myself to stand up again, I've decided to recommit my life into His hands asking that He'll guide me day by day. He has not failed me since and I know He'll never. I can't say I'm recovered 100% cause that'll only make me not human but I can say that I'm depending on Him 100% cause whenever I feel hurt, I immediately focus my attention to the cross and all will be taken care of.

Talking about being positive, really respect a snr. manager of my company. He's been assigned to be stationed in Cambodia for a year or so. He was quite disappointed cause the assignment was much earlier than expected and he really wished it could be postponed cause he wanted to spend more time with his family. Something he told me about what his son said really moved me. His son asked the mom, "why daddy needs to go far away to work? If it's for the money, I will not spend unnecessarily." I think his son is about 11years old. Beautiful isnt it? If I have a son in the future, I would want to bring him up the same way. Well about the snr. manager, he's being very positive and every time I see him, I tell him that there's something good out of all these and he totally agrees. He knows that there's always a light at the end of the tunnel. He's a man of God and I think that makes things much easier for him being overseas alone. My prayer would be that He can live a life exemplary of Christ and he can be light and salt wherever he's placed.

well, after all said. I too have to mempositivekan my already positive life cause in order to impact and influence lives around me, I need to have a faith that is unshaken, I need to have a joy that is limitless and all these can be found in Christ. By writing down things I say, I think i'm accountable to whoever reads this and if I fail to live a life according to what I say I will live, please do advise or even scold me. You have all the permission in the world to do so. Thanks in advance. Hahaha. An invitation to scold and criticize eujoe, rare but true. Ok only if i'm wrong k? Try and scold me when I'm right see what you get... hahaha must be patient..

okiez..
gonna spend some time surfing net for latest news around the world. For loyal readers of my blog, thanks for spending so much of your time here. It's a real encouragement to me to see people really taking time and effort to read and to know more about me. If there's anything whatsoever that I can do to also encourage and to assist any of you, please please do let me know.

verse for today..

Some trust in chariots and some in horses,but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.(Psalm 20:7)

in our daily lives, do we just depend on the experiences and knowledge of our own? and how do we live our life using the knowledge that we have (acknowledging that wisdom comes from Him) and at the same time relying on Him to guide us through? Maybe we need to stop reading books and chasing after things that give us the impression that we need to depend on God less than we already do. Tough for us now but when David wrote this psalm, I think he was actually preparing for war and it was not just a figure of speech. David still had to get ready for battle. He didn't just sit there waiting for a miracle. At the same time, the victory had to come from God, not his preparations. How do we do the same?

a point to ponder on..

ciaoz.

project postponed!!! argh..

2008-05-21T22:51:00.002+08:00

after all the rushing and late nights and weekends... now postpone... sighs..

thought I can be super occupied for the weeks to come.. now.. sighs.. Must find more programme for myself already. Need to grab more work to do at work so that I can occupy my mind with more more work. Hahaha.

I think more people were unhappy then happy after the news was delivered to all. Seriously everyone just hoped it was done and over with as soon as possible. Now, delayed to mid June. Sighs, my leave in late June also have to cancel already. Nevermind lah, take early July instead. Must quickly utilize my leave if not I need to burn again. Every year also contribute to PBB. sighs.. hmm. no where to go this year. Anyway, don't plan to go anywhere also. Save money muahaha.

Lunch and dinner were provided today. Not too bad lah. Nothing to complain about since it's free. Much better than a couple of days back. One look at the food and I was very full already. Hahaha. Dinner was quite alright cause we ate from different section illegally. hahaha.

After dinner, came home and went straight for gym thereafter. Enjoyed the workout. Got to talk to a Sports Science dip holder, doing his internship with True Fitness. Got to learn some interesting facts of exercise and also got to help him with his survey. Well, glad I got to help. And now I know that rowing is actually really for cardio workout. Talking of gym, I seriously need to arrange a time with the PIC to talk about my current contract which will expire next month. Must bargain for some good good deals or else I'll just go somewhere else or just stop for awhile and move on to other sports.

Need to sleep a little before the big game later. Quite sad watch at home alone but also quite tired to go out to watch with friends. Nevermind also lah, got rewards and also consequence for every decision made. Way of life.

Gonna drop my car for service tomorrow. So fast 5k already. Hopefully nothing much needs to be changed. Oh yah.. it's actually Anni..thing day today.. hahaha nolar I meant anniversary lah but yupp, it's in the past already. Move on and move forward to pursue new things in life mah.. right? seriously need to go pyramid to look for a snooker cue. Can't be using house cue all my life. hahaha..

Alritey... that's all fer today.

2 all, take care God bless and May God's presence be with wherever you may be!!!

ciaoz.

time to catch up with friends.

2008-05-21T00:14:00.004+08:00

Enjoyed the night thoroughly. Futsal was cancelled but something better was in stored. Got to catch up with my primary/secondary friends. Talked and laughed just about anything and everything. Glad everyone's doing okay. Somehow my bunch of friends made it quite successfully into the marketplace and all doing well in their own areas. Good to know that.

Got my mind off the usual standard things for a day and I'm feeling awesome right now. Laughter really is the best medicine even to broken hearts. Hahaha. Gonna continue this attitude of just chilling a little. Like what Boon Yee said, enjoy single hood and the healing process. Well, I've always enjoyed life and honestly I really do know how to enjoy life. Hahaha that is one area I do not need guidance on.

another day has passed. Sometimes not thinking too far ahead really helps alot. Thinking of possibilities and of dreams and hopes that are way too far in the future only brings more disappointment. Why not just plan for at most the weekend and let everything else happen the way it should happen. Less expectations, less disappointments. Hahaha.

gonna call it a night. Must get all the rest I can get cause thursday 2am is the big match. definitely won't be sleeping much tomorrow night. Hahaha

something to share before I go to bed...

God is Love, and His love is very different from human love. God's love is unconditional, and it's not based on feelings or emotions. He doesn't love us because we're lovable or because we make Him feel good; He loves us because He is love. He created us to have a loving relationship with Him, and He sacrificed His own Son (who also willingly died for us) to restore that relationship.

indeed God is love. Thank you Lord for all you've taught me. Will remember it by heart.

2 God be the glory. Forever and ever.
Amen.

nitez.

at work... 50th post

2008-05-20T14:20:00.001+08:00

no mood to work today...

everything's moving so slowly. Less than 5 phone calls the whole day. Outstanding work mostly either completed or waiting for others to update me status for me to continue. Most probably no futsal tonight. Organizers not around. Doubt I'll be going home early then. Sighs, it's one of those days where I just hope, wish, pray... sighs.. nevermind.

Just had lunch, don't feel like eating too much nowadays. Not too sure why, just no appetite. Have not have a really filling meal for the past month. Just do not have the urge to eat like before. Need to find a fix for this state I'm in. Seriously demoralizing and unefficient kinda feeling.

getting a slight migrane too. Going to drink at least 2l of water a day to keep the doctor away. Need to be strong!!!

Dear Lord,
Please grant me strength to walk in Your ways. Please grant me the patience to wait for Your voice and directions for my life. And above all Lord, please grant me wisdom to make right decisions in life.

Amen.

a day to rest, a day to think

2008-05-19T21:30:00.001+08:00

much to think about...

a day of rest, a day to think..

got myself a little physical rest that I think I deserve but mentally I was still processing tons of information in my head. Some part of me still not accepting reality to the fullest. Sighs.
Love really is a difficult subject. I think I could have failed this subject if it was ever offered back in schooling days. So tough yet the process is enjoyable. When you don't have it, you miss it badly.

Went to pyramid today just to walk around. End up buying myself some shirt. CK and Lacoste shirt not so good quality and not worth it. End up getting my trusted Nike and Adidas. Must be a sports addict kinda brand. walked around a little and saw someone I knew. Can't recall her name but she smiled at me so I smiled back. Hmm, I think i'm beginning to have lost of memory cause I can't seem to remember people's faces. Or maybe I can't associate a face with a name. Hmm...
Went to summit after that to jalan a little. Wanted to buy dvd but did not have the motivation to walk into the shop to choose dvds. Guess my dvd collection is just gonna stall here awhile until I get the motivation to buy again.

Back to work tomorrow. Lots of unexpected work expecting me I'm pretty sure. Gonna spend lots of late nights at work. Good thing I guess. Just don't like the feeling after coming home. Sitting in front of the tv by myself thinking of work. Must spend more time practising my piano. Paid money so must play the best I can. Should be able to pick up fast since I have some basics already and moreover everyone at home knows music. Hahaha.

I think I know why broken hearted people write blogs. Cause they used to be able to share everything about themselves with a special someone and when that special someone is no longer around, the need to share is still there.. that's why... BLOG! hahaha.

called a friend last night. She had some problems with her bf previously. Thought I could see how she was and maybe give her some pointers here and there. But to my surprise, she's living happily ever after with her boyfriend already. And when she asked about me.. I just said.. errr... errr fine. Liar!!! dont want her to think I gave her advise and all but do not know how to apply them in my own life. Abit the sad case right? but anyway, bottom line is she's happy with her boyfriend now and of course as her friend, I'm super happy for her too.

Glad everyone is happy. Must be happy too.. for the sake of myself. I think I have a serious problem of taking the world's problem on my shoulders. No wonder I'm tired all the time. If you ask me what makes me happy, that's when others are happy. A joy spreader can never be known as a joyful person if there's no one to share joy with right? hahaha. It's like if there's no one to feel the warmth of a fireplace, how do you know the fireplace is warm? hahaha cool? make sense?

well... signing off early today.Gonna lock myself in my room to read a book.
need to spend more time in MPH nowadays. Read more. Good to occupy the mind with good reading materials.

holiday....

2008-05-19T11:46:00.002+08:00

got up at 1030am...

played snooker till 4am this morning... hahaha.. best thing is, I don't need to pay.
enjoyed playing but surrounded by smoke is one real bad thing. 2nd and 3rd hand smoker always die earlier. Hahaha. Thinking of getting myself a pool cue and a snooker cue. Been planning to get one for a long long time but put off the idea cause I have other more important areas to spend on. Strangely, all songs played at the snooker center last night super sentimental.
From Celion Dion's "My heart will go on" to Natalie Cole's "I miss you like crazy." Hahaha, EeJienn kept asking me song after song whether the song brings back memories. I told him every song can bring back memories if I choose to cause every love song can remind me of her. But well, I don't need a love song to remind me of her at all. Thinking of her all the time but my heart is at peace because God is in control.

Got a call from boss but did not manage to pick it up on time. Wonder whether if he wants me to go back to work today. Real tiring job I have sometimes. Can't enjoy even a day of holiday. Price to pay to work in a top performing company I guess. Going to return call to him maybe a little later when I'm fully concious so as to not agree with him on everything. Hahaha.

Thinking of dropping by at 1U to do some shopping. Not too sure what I'll get but definitely something that'll make me happy. Sis and Anthony traveling around for good makans. Must join them sometime and be a food critic. Maybe after a couple of visits to restaurants around, people will pay me to give comments on their restaurant. Hahaha.

going out to get lunch for bro and sis... then maybe drop by at office to pick up some loose ends here and there.

ciaoz.

home after church... sunday's the best.

2008-05-18T15:22:00.003+08:00

enjoy every Sunday..

glad I get to spend my Sunday mornings in church. Somehow I feel i'm so at home there. Enjoy my time playing with the kids. Ponteng sermon today. Hahaha. Must sit in double next week. keke. Maybe I should teach Sunday school so that I can learn while teaching and be able to play with the kids. Not a very manly thing to play with kids huh? hahaha in touch with my feminine side I guess.

after church as usual we'll take 1/2 hour to decide on a place to makan. Decided on dai-shi near carrefour. Pretty alright. Got good air-conditioning at least. hahaha. Must find more makan place on Sunday already. Running out of ideas. After makaned, dropped sis home and headed to Kimarie to look for Louis, my professional hairdresser. I'll only get my hair cut if he's there. Lazy to explain how I want my hair cut to so many different people, Louis is so familiar with me that I can just tell him I want the usual and that's good enough. Hahaha.

Super sleepy now cause had a late late night out. Went for a drink with WengKin and EeJieen and pool thereafter. Played till about 3am this morning. Came home dead tired but enjoyed the guy bonding time. Shared lots about how to treat girlfiend ideas with WengKin. hahaha EeJienn chipped in as well. Asking WengKin to quickly get married so that we can have a big big celebration. Not too sure if he's influenced. Hahaha. Glad I managed to spend some time with my best buddies.

Thinking of going shopping later. Some tshirts and some shirt to spoil myself. Hmm... maybe I should drop by Pyramid later.

enjoy the hols y'all.

ciaoz.

saturday night... at work.

2008-05-17T21:58:00.002+08:00

saturday night at work... no life.

yupp,in office right now. Came in to replace Mindy so that she can go off for her appointment with.. hahaha dunno who. Boss wanted to ask someone in to standby but I told him I'll come in instead. Don't want to spoil people's weekend ler..

used to hate it so much when I need to come back without prior notice. Especially when i'm with the beautiful one. But now it's all different. I don't mind coming in to work. Not for the money but to occupy my time. Anyway, I never claim also so definitely not for the money lah. Enjoy working at night coz I can really really spend my time doing my work. Finishing all my outstanding work.

Forgotten to bring my book here to read. Interesting book I should have read long long time ago. Hahaha. Men are from Mars and women are from venus. Hahaha. Read lots of cool stuffs in there which are really so so true in my past relationship. Every page I read reminds me of the things I did wrongly. Hahaha. Not too say I'm proud of myself doing all of it but it only shows it's a guy thing. Well, at least now I know. Seriously there are so many differences between a man and a woman. Not talking about physical lah.. But more to character, attitude, likings and dislikes, etc. If I ever get into a relationship again in the faraway future, I think I'm going to apply some of this things that I've learnt in the relationship. It's said that the more you realize that man are from mars and woman are from venus, the more lasting the love will be in the relationship. Which translates to, the more you understand your differences the easier it will be to love your mate.

When I was younger, I always thought that I can do everything by myself. That is why when I heard the phrase about "no man is an island" long time ago, I just laughed at it and say I can be!!! hahaha. Now when reality strikes, i'm feeling it. But I know I'm not alone, I have lots of wonderful friends waiting by the phone for me to just call them. Hmm...wonder whether I should go for a drink later. Maybe some cool happening places that I've yet to visit. Dunno..

No more premiership, quite bored but there's live Uber cup right now. Dad's favourite season of the year. I really enjoy spending time just watching badminton with my dad. I know dad and mum are growing older already. Don't want to make them worry too much, want to do well in everything I do to make them proud and happy. Really thank God for cool parents He has blessed me with. I was not spoilt from young but dad and mom made sure I have all necessity in life and some luxury too. Always remember during younger days when dad will buy cheaper clothing and shoes for CNY just so that we can buy better ones. Dad always say that the price of my shoe can buy his entire collection of shoes. Hahaha. Must learn to live simple like him.

Hmm.. I really think I should call my friends out for a drink. Good time to catch up with all my friends.

Must be the eujoe everyone knows mah. Outgoing, talkative, loud, witty, mischievious and ever so good looking. Hahahaha just kidding.

ciaoz.

after all said and done...

2008-05-17T00:53:00.002+08:00

sighs..

don't feel too good. Either too much of work or just don't feel too good..
everyday after work... go home and just sit around. Sometimes I wish I really have someone I can come home to, have a nice dinner with, enjoy a movie together with, share my problems with, etc.

I really really got quater life syndrome already. Feeling like everything is just happening so fast around me. Everyone move on with their life while I'm still slowly walking behind. Why take life so so so boringly? Can't we just slow down the pace to enjoy our lives? Seriously, I hate feeling so lousy. Makes me so so tired and exhausted. Heartaching and headaching. sighs.. one of those days.

have to really start planning for each day... how can I make full use of my days. Occupy my days with tons of work and plans so that I will not need to slump into the weird kinda feelings. Really like being happy all the time. Like helping people and like making people laugh. Sometimes when all is gone and i'm all by myself, I just feel so lonely again. I need to be independent but yet I like the feeling being lonely. Hahaha. Real pathetic huh? well, that's part of life and I'm still walking when all's running. Slow and steady win the race? hahaha

gonna go read a book to put myself to bed much better and faster than xanax.

gonna wake up tomorrow and get myself out of this lousy feeling.

nitez.

still at work...

2008-05-16T22:02:00.001+08:00

exhausted.... work piling up to the sky... running around today. Office messed up but this is just the beginning. Next week is gonna be worst...

need to enjoy my weekend. Not too sure if I need to come back to work. As usual, offsite standby. Well, guess it would be ok if I come back on Monday morning since I've no plans anyway. Guess being single means I can give more time to Public Bank? hahaha. Got my promotion letter today. Congrats!! thanks thanks. hahaha. My hard earned promotion, blood, sweat and recently lots of tears too. No special one to share my happiness with.. but lots of special people such as my family, friends and colleagues to share my joy...

Malaysia lost today, as usual... Don't know why Malaysia do not have the semangat to win in big tournaments. All the time Jaguh Kampung only. That's the thing about human beings, never appreciate their position, their abilities, their talents, etc. Being too arrogant and selfish all the time, thinking that the world is at their feet. Sometimes I have a little of those feelings too. Guess that's call ego! hahaha.. My friend always tell me that I have an ego bigger than my head. Wonder how big that ego is? hahaha..

chased all my colleagues home today, telling them it's Friday and asking them to go home to spend time with their love ones. Noble ain't I? hahaha. Self praise is no praise. I believe that quality time with love ones is indeed very important. In our fast pace and unpredicted life, who knows what will happen tomorrow? or even the next minute? my word of advise, spend as much time as possible with people you love, you care for. Even sometimes if it's just for a while, enjoy it and don't spoil it by complaning about how little time he/she spends time with you.

cell is on right now. Wonder who came and who did not. Wonder who's laughing the loudest. Must be CheeWai. Hahaha. Well, hope I can be back in time for supper. Boss calling already. Have to go somewhere to troubleshoot some issues..

enjoy the weekend.. I know I will.. TRY..hahaha

ciaoz.

1 month after D Day

2008-05-15T23:35:00.003+08:00

yupp, it's exactly one month after the Dreadful breakup day.

How did I overcome? thru Him of course.

Looking back at the past 1 month, really learnt alot alot of things in life. Got to experience the hurt and pain I've never experienced before. Got to also experience the kind of closeness and joy that I have with Christ in me. Glad I made the decision to support her decision and not to beg my way back to her life. Hahaha. Then I wouldn't be eujoe anymore right? well, I really think that all things happened for a reason and God will make all things beautiful in His time. Being single is not too bad. Of course I still feel the loneliness once in a while but it comes and goes very quickly. Of course I still feel for her and I know I will continue to feel so for a long long time but it's ok, it does not affect me in anyway. Just some sweet thoughts and memories now and then to put a smile on my face when I need it the most. Enjoy the friendship I have with her right now. Glad I get to talk to her once in a while to see how she is. Really thank God for taking care of her all the time. I know she's ok coz she's always with the director of Love... God Himself.

Never imagined that I would be telling all these stuffs but yupp I'm indeed telling it all. Nope I don't feel like a loser coz I lost my gal but I feel at least I did something at the end to make her happy which is to respect her decision and of course that matters the most right?

Work was okay today. Was a little moody, not too sure if it has anything to do with the anniversary of the D'day. Hahaha but was ok after awhile.

After work, went home for dinner and proceeded to a yum cha session with friends. A bro was in need to talk to someone and glad I was there to provide advise and to share my experiences in life. Knew it that I would come in handy someday. Hahaha. Found out that by sharing my experiences, I felt so so much better. And I think I benefited more than the bro who I was sharing to. After sharing and sharing realized so so much of things in my past relationship that was not right. Regretted of course but I know that God will make me a better person and that's what matters right now. Hopefully all I've shared will enlightened him a little. I pray that if all the things I say did not register in his mind, he'll indeed be reminded that Jesus is always there for him and will never ever fail him. Bro, remember before you sleep today, take a little while to be quiet in His presence and enjoy the feeling of being filled by Him.

well, all in a day's work. Glad I could be of service to a friend, a bro. Enjoyed the bonding and sharing session. That's the cool thing belonging to the family of Christ.

Yay!! survived one month. More happy times to come. Keep em coming...

argh.. hotlink cacat.. cannot send sms.. why ar?

nitez..

tiring day again...

2008-05-14T23:39:00.006+08:00

long day of work today. Got home about 10:15pm. Did not manage to watch Thomas/Uber Cup. All I know is Malaysia lost to Korea in Uber Cup quarterfinals.

lots of problems at work today and the problems only start flooding in at about 7pm onwards. Bosses called my boss to complain about some big big issue that may cause everyone to work over the weekend and on Wesak day. Somehow I'm so used to it I don't think so I would actually be able to spend Wesak day at home holidaying. Well, working life is like this right? don't really know how life would be if I would take up offers to work for much easier life kinda job. More pay less work, hahaha but I'm still young and PBB still has lots to offer me in terms of learning technologies and learning how to work with difficult people. There's this saying that if anyone who can survive PBB, can survive anywhere. Hahaha. I'm going to be the survivor then.

getting really tired nowadays. Must be signs of insufficient rest. Hopefully I can sleep like a pig on saturday but somehow my biological clock has been set in a way where I'll still wake up before 7am whether or not I'm working. Strange enough, if I really did not set my alarm clock on a working day, I won't wake up. Hahahaha. A real joke.

oh well, my eyelid closing already but me still want to catch some Thomas cup highlights at about 12am. After that gonna snooze....... hahaha

Glad I did what I did today. Glad God gave me wisdom to complete my work today. Glad I managed to survive thus far. Glad I'm alright.

Dear God,
Thank you for all that you've given me.
I believe that Your grace is indeed sufficient for me.
Good nite. Thanks again.
Amen.

nite'z y'all.... starting to speak gibberishly.. hahaha

after a long day of work... no futsal..

2008-05-13T23:08:00.007+08:00

work was pretty ok today. Not too many calls, not too many problems. Had some good laughs with colleagues and that's what keeps me going at work. Got a new air freshener next to my cubicle. Colleague's gf bought for him cause he always fall sick and she suspects the air is not clean. Hahaha, I benefit most cause it's just next to me. Hopefully it helps.

Had some spare time at work so tidied up my cubicle a little cause big boss on a mission to snap photos of cubicles and post them in his Flickr or Picasa album. Hahaha.. Check out my clean-er cubicle.

Still a little messy though, too many papers on my table. Sure I'll need to use one of the papers one day and if I start throwing them away now, I'm sure I'll be in trouble. Argh.. need someone to manage my papers for me. Need to hire a secretary. hahaha

Left office early today hoping to get some rest before futsal but unfortunately futsal was cancelled. Got home and saw mum and dad cooking "kon lou mee" with "char siew". Super sedap. Like the wan tan mee in JB. Miss the food in JB especially the "chu chap kuey teow". Hahaha.

after dinner, watched korea trashed canada in Thomas Cup. Fell asleep watching them play. After the 3rd game all was over as Korea took a 3-0 lead. Showered and went out for a drink. After minuming, drove around for fun. Sometimes I really think I'm really lonely. Hahaha. But that was how I was even before I got into the past relationship so i guess it's back to square one but with much much more experiences in life. Well, future should be good. In Him I trust. haha.

maybe gonna sleep a little earlier today. Next 2-3 weeks gonna be super busy. Need all the rest I can get right now.

to all my colleagues, thanks for always being there for me. Hahaha I know it's not just because I'm your senior right?glad I have a bunch of colleagues who are understanding, comical and super helpful.

May God bless all of you with good health, wonderful friends, loving family and a special someone to keep you company through thick and thin.

nitez y'all...

Jesus is the answer for the world today!

2008-05-12T23:56:00.007+08:00

The suffering and pain I've experienced is nothing compared to what the people in the world is experiencing everyday. Nothing that I've done or will do deserve more attention than the problems and tragedies happening in the world today.

Massive earthquate at Sichuan Province

Myanmar cyclone survivors receiving food aid.

The destruction of cyclone Nargis

Dear Father God, have mercy on your people. Please send healing throughout these nations and bring in aid of all sorts and protect all people from outbreak of diseases and viruses. Bring in comfort to families brokened by the disasters and bring love that can overcome all pains and hurts.

God, I trust in Your sovereign plan that in all these that have happened, You will bring about something good.

Amen.

Today's post will be dedicated to all victims affected directly and indirectly by the massive earthquake in China, the cyclone in Myanmar and the tornado in Georgia, USA.

It's my prayer that Jesus will indeed be their comfort, shelter, tower of refuge and strength.

I dedicate this song to all...

Shout to the Lord

My Jesus, my Savior,

Lord, there is none like You;

All of my days I want to praise the wonders of Your mighty love.

My comfort, my shelter,

tower of refuge and strength;

Let ev'ry breath, all that I am,

never cease to worship You.

Shout to the Lord, all the earth, let us sing

Power and Majesty, praise to the King;

Mountains bow down and the seas will roar

At the sound of Your name.

I sing for joy at the work of your hands,

Forever I'll love You, forever I'll stand

Nothing compares to the promise I have in You.
Nothing compares to the promise I have in You.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uyj1FAQdPzg&feature=related

In all things, may the name of the Lord Almighty be praised forever and ever!!

take care n nitez.

MU won!!!!

2008-05-12T00:49:00.005+08:00

YAYY!!!!!

10th premiership title...

the best football club ever... period.

Nerve wrecking game... almost got heartattack a few times. Hahahaha...

Enjoyed myself thoroughly throughtout the game. John See, Julian and Anthony were around. Shouted together when we almost lost it. Hahaha. Really enjoyed.

Went to Ryu Men Tai as planned. Food not all that good but ok lah. Not too full though but good lah can keep fit. Monday already. Weekend ended so quickly, not enough rest at all. Next week will be a long weekend cause next Monday is Wesak day. Thinking of visiting some friends on the next Monday. Have to really plan out my time wisely so that I can fully utilize my weekend for sufficient rest and for doing purposeful things.

Don't want to write too much cause have to sleep already. Need to be full of energy later for work for it's the first day of the week and I have to start it with a Bang! so that the energy level can either maintain or increase throughout the week. Have to enjoy my work so that I wont feel bored or tired easily.

ohh.. before that, went to youtube earlier and saw American Idols singing "shout to the Lord." Lots of good comments but also some criticism but I think it's good. God's name was proclaimed in front of billions of audience worldwide. Publicity for the person of Christ reached a new high again. Downloads for Shout to the Lord soared to almost top 5 in the top 10 most downloaded songs. Well for those who criticise their move to do so, I know there's always 2 sides to viewing things and no one is actually really right or really wrong when it comes to these sort of things. All I know is... as long as the name of Christ is proclaimed and lifted up, all is good.

Lesson for the day..

Philippians 1:18 (New International Version)
But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice.

Indeed... I'll rejoice.

Nitez..

Back from church...

2008-05-11T15:08:00.003+08:00

Was early to church today cause Kois were on duty for ushering and greeting. Was stationed downstairs today with CheeWai and Boss. Hahaha. Wishing unmarried ladies Happy Mother's day sure is a no good experience. Had fun greeting though...

Special presentation by Sunday school kids today for Mother's day. Super cute the kids. Haha. Was on duty for toddler's class today so reported in for duty but there were more helpers than toddlers. Most of the helpers were from other classes, older kids cause they were given a day off today. So I was actually looking after the big kids so that they won't hurt the small kids. hahaha.
Enjoy spending time with the babies though they may be super difficult to handle at times especially when they don't understand you and you don't understand them. But once a connection is made, every single week they will want you to carry them. Hahaha. I think I can be a baby magnet already. Alot of kids at church know me. Muahaha.

Had lunch at noodle station. Must really cut down on my eating. Planning to shed another 2-3 kgs then I'll be in the optimum weight category. Not too sure where to eat yet for tonight. Most probably going Japanese at SS15, Ryu Men Tai if they're open and not fully booked.

going off for some CS before taking a short nap.

lesson learnt today.

Although God can be everywhere at anytime, He needs help looking after everyone too.
That is why He created mothers.

A Blessed Mother's Day to all mothers, soon-to-be mothers and future mothers.

ciaoz.

wedding dinner...

2008-05-11T00:59:00.002+08:00

attended a wedding dinner at Equatorial KL. Dinner was quite alright. Bride and Bridegroom were both beautiful and handsome. Wanted very much to share the joy they have. Half way through noticed a colleague who also went through a break up recently. Saw his sad and dissapointed face. When the photo slideshows were shown, I was a little sad too thinking of how much I would want to have a photo taken with her again and how much I hope that she'll be the one. To make matters worst, lots of colleagues asking me when's my turn and asking me to get married next year and all. Saying I love my gf so much should be soon right.. All I can do is look to CheeWai who was sitting next to me and smile. Did not tell them about it so I just say ok ok soon.

Had a couple of glasses of wine during the wedding. Drank as though it was like water. After dinner went to thai club for more drinking. Somehow I just feel immune to wine and liquor already. After all the highs for the past few weeks finally I have some lows. But it did not last too long. Always have to remind myself that she's happy now and that's what's most important. As long as I can grasp the truth about what love really is about, it does not matter if she's not by my side coz she's always always by God's side.

Well, I know I know... seems to be like a loser, thinking always about the past but I really think we were very very much made for each other. Guess I'm being to mushy.

I know I know, move on. Someone else is waiting at the end of the rainbow. Yah Yah...
well, don't want to bother too much about all these things. Just gonna concentrate in becoming a good son, good friend and a good employee.

Calling it a day right now coz head getting a bit heavy. Must be the effects of JD plus red wine. To Helen and Nicholas, congratulations!! May God bless this wonderful journey that He has prepared for the both of you. Always look to Him for every decisions and directions in your married life. For if He's in the plan, your plans will be made perfect.

Heard a quote by the MC today, Love is not about loving a perfect someone but it's about loving the imperfectness of someone perfectly.

take care, God bless and to all mother's, a HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!

g'nite y'all.

alone at home.. in front of my PC

2008-05-10T17:27:00.007+08:00

as I sit here alone, thoughts of loneliness crept into my mind.

really do miss her. Really still do feel so so so much for her.

Not crying not tearing but rather I'm filled with unspeakable joy for I had the opportunity to be with someone I love so very much.

take care dearest one, I've no rights to question your whereabout but I'm sure you're safe for God Himself is looking after you right now.

Love is indeed difficult but it's nothing compared to what Jesus has done.

God's definition of love;

Love is patient, Love is kind,

It does not envy, it does not boast,

It is not proud, It is not rude,

It is not self-seeking,It is not easily angered,

It keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil,

but rejoices with the truth.

Love always protects, always trusts,

always hopes, always perseveres.

Love bears all things,

believes all things,

hopes all things,

endures all things.

Love never ends.

L o v e N e v e r F a i l s.

Corinthians 13 : 4 - 8

This is the sort of love I should emulate.

This is what love is really about.

Tight schedule... even on Sat.

2008-05-10T16:34:00.002+08:00

came home about 9am+ after dropping of a gift for Leng's mum for Mother's day. Something that I've been doing for the past 3 years. Anyway I still need to thank Aunty for the countless free meals I get and the countless advises I get for free.

Got home, wanted to sleep but got flooded by calls. Pretty used to it. Just close my eyes and rest my eyes. Brain still thinking. Slept from 10 to 12. Got up bathed, lunched then off to French class. Hahaha. Lawak, but enjoyable.

Going to a wedding dinner later. Really have alot to attend this year but as long as I can make it, I'll attend all of them as a sign of encouragement to the couple and also to share their joy. Nothing makes one happier than to find the ultimate joy in life. For some, it's finding your other half, for some, it's achieving something you've been trying so hard to achieve. Well, glad I can be part of the joy that the couples have. I'll be more than willing to give the angpaus as it would seem to be an act of love and encouragement for them to build a future together.

listening to "God will make a way" now. One of my all time favorite Christian song. So simple yet so deep and so difficult to understand. Something that I really need to remember every single second of my life.

Everyday in life, we go through trials, temptations, worries, burdens, problems, but the good thing is God cares. When we feel that the world has turn it's back on us. God will never. As long as we continue to walk in the path that He has made for us. He will always be there. When all you see is just a set of footprint. Don't be angry and complain that He has left you but think again. That set of footprint belongs to Him. He's carrying you through all the difficult times in life. Take a moment to just picture that picture. So beautiful isn't it?

Going to enjoy the rest of the day for I know that this is the day that God hath made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.

lesson for today....

God will make a way where there seems to be no way.
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me
He will be my guide
Hold me close to His side
With love and strength for each new day
He will make a way
He will make a way

Amen

at work... sleepy

2008-05-10T07:21:00.003+08:00

came in work about 230am and realize I was a little too early. My job requires only 1 hour max but I have to come in early so that users can verify after I've performed some restoration of data. All done by 330am. Walked around, slept at my cubicle then went out for breakfast. Neck and backbone super pain coz slept on the table. hahaha.

some outstanding managed to be cleared by still long list more to complete. Looks like I'll need to come in for more weekends to clear the backlog. Still feeling very sleep and tired. Getting too old for this. Can't really see myself doing this in the future, maybe 5 years from now. Hopefully by then I can have peaceful rest everynight.

need to complete a little more outstanding before my colleague comes in to take my place.. then i can go home to my bed. The best bed in town. Hahaha.

cell nite... little monster last day

2008-05-10T00:15:00.003+08:00

hahaha...

little monster, little one, Ms.Christine... last day at cell..
had an interrogation session that i've video-ed.. after editing, will be posted at YouTube.. muahaha.

cell was cool tonight. Angeline's saliva game started the night rolling. Followed by an awesome worship leading by her. Really felt the presence of God when the songs were sang. Inspired by her service and her worship towards God. Word session was combined with works coz we did the Global day of prayer thingy again. Had a wonderful time praying for each other thereafter. Then cell was crazy, interviewing the little one and I was busy video-ing and photo-ing. Her laughter will be missed for sure. Had extra wallop tonight. The usual wallop is already quite sumptuous. Tonight a little more to celebrate the departure of Christine. hahaha.

Had a nice chat with Angeline and I can see that God is really working in her life. I can learn alot from this young doctor to be. Her dependency on God in all aspects of life can be clearly seen. I've finally found the joy in sharing and listening. It's not about putting your decision across but it's about being a good listener. Know when to speak and when not to.

Work today was quite alright as well. Nothing big happened but day to day mundane activity is enough to kill already. The LG floor was like a war zone. Stepping into the area for more than 10 minutes can be hazardous to any life form. Hahaha. A temporary support center to cater for the upcoming project. Seems to me it's like an international helpdesk wannabe minus the canggih equipments and the big LCD tv that monitors calls, live news updates, world time, etc.

Got some outstanding that needs to be completed by Monday so I'll need to do it later. Going in to work in 2 hours time at about 2am to prepare for a Disaster Recovery activity for one of our users; Investment Bank. Gonna stay till about 9am before my colleagues comes in to replace me. Sometimes working day and night really is torturing. After working at that hour, I can't sleep anymore as my biological clock does not allow me to do so. Nowadays I can go on for days without the need to sleep. Must be something that I've taken or maybe it's my pre-mid-life crisis syndrome. Hahaha

Going to chill awhile before going in to work. Bringing my books along to read after i've completed my outstanding due on Monday. Interesting life I have huh?? hahaha, quite boring and mundane and it's all about Public Bank. Wonder who'd be interested in a person who's life is all about Public Bank? another banker maybe? hahaha no way.. don't want to.

good nite to all. Have a well deserved rest and may all awake tomorrow feeling fresh and strong to cope with new challenges tomorrow!!

ciaoz.

back from gym...

2008-05-08T23:47:00.003+08:00

Just got home..

real good feeling after a good workout. Enjoyed thoroughly. Less than 10 people in the entire gym. hahaha. Rowed more than 10kms. Hahaha like rowing from USJ to sunway pyramid. I think that's one of the best calory burning exercise in the gym but somehow not many people like to do it. Well i'm home now.

off to some CS action before going to sleep. Hahaha.

For all who are still at work, take care and it's my prayer that God will send His mighty angels to protect and watch over you on your way home. Take care and God bless.

For all who are at home, have a good rest and enjoy the rest of the week!

nitez..

things to do...

2008-05-08T21:43:00.002+08:00

Just got off work..
hectic day at work today...

more and more problems for upcoming project. Systems going live in a couple of weeks and still there are tons of unsolved problems. Tomorrow and the days to come will be a challenging one for me. Need to learn to manage my time well at work. Must learn to say "NO" and say "WAIT". hahaha..

spending longer time at work nowadays but enjoying it when no one is around to bother me so that I can do my own R&D and solve my own problems. Was a little pissed off at work today when someone actually complaint against me to my boss but thankfully my boss was on my side and we got the last laugh. Anyway, I know that work is work and I totally understand her stand. Dropped her an email to speak my mind and guess she wasn't that aggressive after all or maybe from the mail I dropped her she thought I was some angry, fierce person. Hahaha. Sorry ar.. I'm also just doing my work and when I do it well I don't like people telling me otherwise. But if I do wrongly, I welcome challenges and criticism.

Wanted to spend some time with a friend who's in a difficult time but he was busy. I know God is telling me to share my experiences and to provide guidance and assistance if needed. I'll do just that but have to wait for the appropriate time. Sometimes it's so difficult to understand the path that God puts us through. So heart aching and emotionally exhausting at times but knowing that God walks with us through those time is heartwarming enough. Knowing that God has the ultimate picture and has the best plan for us is unfathomable yet true.

I'm still learning from my everyday walk. So much that I can pick up from everywhere I go and everyone I meet. The knowledge that is readily available is impossible to absorb completely. Without realizing it, it is already May. Almost half a year gone and I've lots and lots of things yet to know and learn. Going to enjoy this process of learning and hopefully one day what I've learnt, I can share it with someone.

Someone asked me this question, "Do you need a girlfriend in life?"
well, for the first few days after the breakup, my answer was definitely YES!
but now, I think a girlfriend is not a necessity in life. It's a desire. Putting it that way, if you really lose her, you won't be suicidal or go crazy but instead you'd be sad of course but you'd still continue on with life learning from what you've done wrong and making good use of time to improve yourself for the person God intends for you in the future.

For all who are going through difficulties in life one way or another. Remember God did not create us to go through life alone. God gave us friends, families, loved ones... to see us through and to cry to laugh with us. Do not ever let your ego take control of yourself. No man is an island.
Share your problems, your needs. Friends do care and they won't laugh at you or shoo you away.
Remember, a friend in need is a friend indeed.

after all said, forgotten I need to go to gym. Hahaha. Packed and ready but busy writing. Hmm, wonder for how long I can keep up with this blogging thingy. Hopefully for a long time so that people who know me will know me better at the end of the day.

till I write again...

tataz..

end of a long day..

2008-05-07T23:19:00.002+08:00

got home nearly close to 10pm...

some problems with the new project but nothing to do with me, I was just there to support.

Had lamb chops and beef nuggets for dinner. Chicken, pau sum and scallop soup after that.. hahaha.. Mum spoiling me all the time. Well, nothing much I can do since I got home bout 10 so just bathed and surfed the net again. Got a msg from Mel and decided to drop by her place to collect my birthday present.. hahaha.. always wondered what she will get coz most of the time she likes the present more than I do. But this time around, it was something pretty neat. Some books.. Thanks yar. Hahaha

seriously I have more time in hand to do so many things. Just do not know where to start and what to do. Still have to think what to do on Thursday nights. hmm, thought of watching a dvd every Thurs night so that I can keep up with my purchasing speed. Hahaha.

got a call from BY today. Seems to me what I'm going thru and what I've went thru for the past few weeks really taught me so much that I'm in the position now to give advise to people who face similar problems with me. I really hope that I can be of use to anyone who needs me.

well, end of yet another day.

lesson learnt.

be willing to be of use and to help out in whatever the situation as much as I can. Nothing brings more joy than to help out people in need.

signing off early tonight. Going to play CS. Hahaha

ciaoz.

Back at work...

2008-05-07T14:03:00.001+08:00

sure is good being back at work after being MIA for 3 days.
miss my cubicle and the mess in it. Hahaha.

came in early to work 2day. Got my favorite parking spot. Have to becareful which parking spot to take coz some of the spots have acid leaking from the top. Strange.. but true. Got myself a big cup of hot black coffee. Have to have my daily does of caffein. Not to stay awake coz i'm actually immune to caffein but just something that I do to start my day. Someone wise once said... Start everyday with Nescafe!! hahaha...

Got my first call at about 830 and it hasnt stop since then. Back to reality. It's a good feeling sometimes as it makes me feel quite important but sure causes some ear problems especially if I get shouting users expressing their anger/ frustration performing a simple function. Sometimes I just feel people are just to dependent. When steps are given as a,b,c they'll just do a,b... err c ar.. how to do ar? sometimes I just don't understand why people do not take initiative to be more self-sufficient. Maybe that's my problem, having too high expectations on people. Have to accept them as who they are right? Working life sure teaches lots of patience. For the past 4 years working, i've yet to really blow my top and i've yet to really scold someone till the cows go to sleep. Thankfully I still can keep cool at all times. Must be God at work moulding and shaping me to be a more patient and tolerating person.

My colleagues told me that I will only get bullied around but well I think that is how I gain respect at work I guess. Thinking of skipping lunch today but I think i'm just too hungry to do so. Maybe I'll just have a small plate of rice or a small bowl of noodles. Have to keep fit. Everyone's telling me I lost weight. Hahaha.. Have to maintain.

a friend told me that someone wants to know me. Saw me at some event which i can't remember I attended. hahaha. Like secondary school days where you'll get questions like hey, you know so and so? she says she know you coz you attend the same tuition? hahaha. Well, I just told my friend that if I'm free we can go out for a drink but not interested for anything more right now. Not too sure if she's reading this, hahaha but if she is, I'm sorry lah, just telling the truth. Of coz can be friends lah, the more the merrier mah but more than that sorry lorr.. coz someone took the key to my heart already and hid it somewhere. I also don't know where. hahaha. poetic leh.. hahaha

anyway, strange enough, lots of my friends going throught that cycle in life also, work problem, family problem, relationship problem. The 3 years, 5 years and 7 years cycle really is true.. don't really know the theory behind it.

Well, better have my lunch now. Lazy to go out and its 2pm already so just got myself a charkueyteow from cafeteria. Makaning at my cubicle, spreading the aroma to all. Muahaha..

yet another day..

2008-05-06T23:56:00.002+08:00

used up another of my annual leave today. Wanted to wake up to go to work in the morning but once again had quite a rough night. Did not really get to sleep well. Xanax not kicking in properly. Maybe it's becoz of the heavy workout before I went to bed. Hopefully with the exhaustion that I'm feeling now, I can sleep much better.

Went in to work anyway at about 12pm. Checked some emails, answer some calls, replied some ridiculous emails, etc. Went for lunch at McDs with Cindy. Did not get to chant for Big Mac coz only available from 3pm to 8pm. Hmm, maybe i'll go try tomorrow night. Hahaha. Dropped her back at office and went off to pyramid hoping to get some gifts for Mum's Day. Did not manage to go pyramid, end up at some mamak, enjoyed a big cup of teh tarik. Life's good. Hahaha.

Got home, lepak, relax, wanted to take a short nap but end up in the computer room. Surfed net once more. I think I better get some online jobs so that I can make money while surfing. Muahaha.

after dinner proceeded to futsal at HTO. Scored again. Muahaha.. my scoring days are back already. Looks like the old me is back with a vengeance. Old self but improved version. Hahaha. But well, lots more areas to improve. Good good can take this opportunity to spend my time wisely. Super tired now. Almost collapsed at the futsal court. Must be getting old. Tomorrow night I'm meeting up with my fitness instructor after 2 years joining the gym, first time seeing him. hahaha. Somemore my membership expiring soon. Thinking of renewing and maybe changing the package to suit my time and needs. hehehe. Must be more proactive from now on.

Tired lah.... body aching... I want massage!!! hahaha...

lesson learnt today..

"Life is to be enjoyed but don't over do it. Live within your means."

gnite y'all..

ciaoz.

25 years and a day old.

2008-05-05T23:06:00.002+08:00

yupp..

how does it feel like, being 25... hmm, old? young? hahaha...
got some belated presents today. Got an angpau from my Kai-Ma. She said she knew what happened and ask me to spend more time with friends, get to know more people. Still young, 25 and handsome, got good job and all, no need to worry bout having gf and all. Hahaha. Well, me not worrying actually. Taking each day at a time, letting God decide my future. More fun this way. Mystery after mystery. Knowing too far ahead only brings more worries and headaches. So much for people who goes for fortune telling. hehe.

Well, got up pretty late today. Don't know whether my bunch of good friends made it to work on time. Hehe, late night last night. Hopefully they did... Spend the entire day surfing the net. From Soccernet.com, NBA.com, bbc.com, malaysiakini.com, thestar.com, msn.com to many many blogs... I think I may need to wear specs pretty soon. The last I check I think my left eye has a little problem but I think it's no big deal yet. Got tons of calls from office, gym, astro, citibank, maybank, etc. Super famous all the time. No wonder my ears got problem.

Finally got my new astro decoder. Must prepare for Thomas cup, olympics, champs league final, etc. Hahaha. Lots of things line up for this year. Must be God's plan so that I won't feel bored. Anyway, after dinner me went for my first PBE class. Super lawak, sing Happy Birthday song, play some simple tunes and all. Then got test somemore, lucky I din panic. Phew. Hehehe. Still laughing in my heart right now. Old man like me attending the PBE class. But I was told by the teacher, lots of uncles and aunties sign up too. Hehe, din feel so malu after that. muahaha.

Went to gym thereafter and workout for almost 2 hours. Burning calories, making the heart work non stop. Feel so so good now. Read an article that exercising is a good activity to overcome difficult times in life. Din read on further but it has to do with the heart pumping more and more blood etc. Argh.. tak tahu but anyway, I'm going to really add in more time for my workout. Planning to also go for a swim once a week.

So many things to do and to learn, too little time. Hopefully by the time I reach 30, I can master some musical instruments, some languages, some games, some other skills.. cooking, baking, flying, etc.

Too ambitious? you tell me. But for now, I'd just take one step at a time.

life is good... Happy times will be here to stay.

=)

Birthday dinner followed by birthday surprise..

2008-05-05T02:16:00.003+08:00

Had dinner at sheraton imperial with free flow of red and white wine. Superb oysters and sashimi. Variety not that many compared to Shangri-la but for the oysters and sashimi, i'll rate them slightly better than Shang. After makaned collected the free cake by the hotel but did not eat coz already difficult to walk with the heavy stomach.

Went home and proceeded to pyramid where Melissa said she was alone in friendster cafe and wanted to talk but of coz I already knew that they were planning some surprise thingy for me. Well, thanks Melissa for the surprise. I know you are a really good friend and you just want me to be happy... so a huge Thank You to you again. So it was a bigger turn out than the previous day with Melissa, YeeJiun, EeJienn, WengKin, ChaiLeng and CheeWai turning up. Glad everyone was there. Somehow I knew ChaiLeng will be around. No expectation whatsoever.. guess it was a sign that I've successfully moved on.

Almost till the end, had a mood swing due to some calls from office and got a little mad. Somehow I was thinking that I just can't have a good day plus the super headache I was feeling due to the strong blower behind my head. Got home and received messages from Mel and Leng asking whether I'm ok. Called both of them to reassure them I was alright. Had a good chat with Leng and I know deep down she's very much happier now and that's what matters most. Chat about lots of things and also some stufs that I wanted to clarify has already been clarified. Now I'm enlightened and I know what I'm suppose to do which is... move on. Glad she showed up. Nothing more, nothing less.

Chat with Mel thereafter and told her I was ok too... This friend of mine worry that her surprise made me angry but little did she know that it was the best present i've recieved for my birthday this year. Once more, thanks Mel.

Head still super heavy, too much to drink plus the stupid blower. Now I know why the girls din want to sit at that place.

Lessons to self today....

1. God is good. That's what matters most. Others come in secondary, tertiery and watever ry.
2. life is short, be happy all the time and never ever let anyone tell you otherwise.

gonna hav a good good good sleep coz I seriously deserve it max.

ciaoz.

Birthday celebration....

2008-05-04T14:27:00.004+08:00

Thanks worship team for the birthday celebration....

service was awesome today. The sharing done by Sharon on the song written by WeeLern was very touching. I think I know what Wee Lern went through. When the song was sung, I felt it was like as if the words were from myself. I would really want to sing it out loud and to declare that indeed God is good.

The lyrics of the song is as follows. The song itself if anyone who's interested, you can visit http://www.cdpc.org.my/ to get it. Don't want to get myself into some copyright issue by attaching the song here. Haha.

You Are Good© 2007 CDPC - WeeLern Ch'ng

Unto You, Lord
I lift my eyes
You dwell in heaven
You reign on high
I place my trust in You

Unto You, Lord
I lift my soul
You are my Saviour
Redeemer and King
I put my hope in You

Teach me, Lord
To know Your ways
Guide me, Lord
For all my days

For You are good
You are good
Your mercy abounds
I will live my life
To honour You

For You are good
You are good
By faith I will trust
In You, my God For You alone are good

Remember, O Lord
Your mercy and love
Cover me, Lord
In Your embrace
I give my life to You

Remember, O Lord
Your faithfulness
Forgive me, Lord
For all my ways
Lord, bring me back to You

Hopefully by attaching the lyrics I don't get into any problems. Haha. But my intention is to bring to all a beautiful song that speaks of one's heart to declare that God is good even in difficult situation or circumstance in life. He will always be faithful and His mercy abounds.

My friends asked me what's my birthday wish this year. I told them I wish that everyone around me will live their life happily. Tho pain and suffering is inevitable, but I wish and I pray that God will see them through all seasons in their life. And for those who've yet to know this God, I pray too that they will be able to sense the need and the longing for someone in their life and this someone is non other than God Himself.

thanks again for all the birthday wishes. I'm older already, eaten more salt than alot of people already. I'm only 25 but I feel I'm already feeling old. Well, lots of things I've yet to try and lots of things I've yet to experience. Looking forward to all of these and trusting that He in His time will prepare all things for me.

exhausted and sleepy from countless late nights...
going for a short nap and then proceed to clean my car. =)

25th Birthday... Agung's

2008-05-04T01:41:00.004+08:00

Thanks for all the messages and the calls with all the wishes..

yes yes.. Agung of USJ5 turn 25 today. Am I happy? Well, sort of. Am I dissapointed? Well, sort of.

Then again, really need to thank God for seeing me through the past 25 years. Whatever I have achieved today is certainly by His strength, His grace and His love. Glad I managed to survive what I thought to be the most painful and torturing phase of my life. I've certainly learnt alot for the past 2-3 weeks. Well, from the very first post I posted here in Life Goes On till today, I guess I've already managed to walk, talk, laugh, run, jump around, joke, etc like how I used to. Though I still have some "mm seh tak" feeling.. err.. can't really translate that to english Well it means dun feel like letting go feeling lah.. hahaha.. yupp.. so like i was saying even I still have that feeling on and off, I just tell myself that this time will past and it will be all good after some time. Must be positive coz I was a positive person and I'll always be one.

Enjoyed worshiping in church today. Serving as PA really is fun. Being in a small room in a corner and being alone in that room allows me to just connect with God and communicate with Him in my own way. Holy Communion today. I asked God for forgiveness for things that I've put ahead of His agenda in my life. I prayed also for all my loved ones and for the people I know around me, asking that He will take good care of everyone and He will bless everyone abundantly with good health.

After service, went home to wait for my pals for the yearly birthday celebration for Agung. Managed to catch the fluke goal by Ronaldo. Waited awhile and one of my best pals came by to pick me up for dinner at Italianies Pyramid. Makaned with CheeWai, Joey and Wengkin. Smallest turn out to Agung's birthday ever but well everyone is busy so Agung understand. Thanks pals for celebrating with me. Thanks for hearing me talk and talk. Thanks for giving me advise. Thanks for just being there. Enjoyed the dinner and the catching up session.

Decided to drive around after dinner to just enjoy some time alone. Drove to taipan to just look at people walking around. Boring and lame I may be but well, that's just me right? Anyway got a call from ms.Melissa and dropped by to pick up my present... got persuaded to go for a drink so off we went. Glad I can be the listener all over again coz this time she talked more than me. Hahaha. But well, she has been a fantastic friend throughout my most difficult times and I'm truly thankful to God for this wonderful friend He has blessed me with.

Feeling a little sleepy already. Have to be up early coz PA have to be at church 15 mins prior to practise and practise starts at 915am.

Happy Birthday to Sarah and Sharon who shares the same birthday with Agung. Hahaha!!

ciaoz.

of cell, risk and other activities.

2008-05-03T01:16:00.004+08:00

Cell was fun tonight. Started off with some laughter-filled ice-breaker lead by Eugene. Followed by an inspirational and worshipful worship session led by Kelvin then thereafter we had a financial debate over the funds allocation/handling for the next 2 months. Enjoyed debating and suggesting ideas. Maybe we should have some debates some day about some worldly issue. hahaha..

Did the global day of prayer thing at cell today. Seriously we lack prayers. I think nowadays it's even difficult to pray a solid prayer for more than 5 minutes. After 5 minutes most words or prayer items will be repeated. But sometimes I feel even if we repeat the same thing over and over again, it's still a time where you can be quiet before God and commune with Him.

Cell ended early today so.. the guys decided to find out who the World conquerer would be so Risks it is. My cellies are becoming more and more addicted to Risks. Anyway, I got no. 3 out of 5 players. No winners declared at the end coz we decided in order to maintain world peace, we should end the game.

other things i did 2day.. i mean yesterday since it's 1+ am d...

went to see an ENT specialists. Went to see an audiologist to perform an ear test to determine my hearing capabilities as well as performing some test on ear pressure level. All seems to be ok but somehow my left ear still hurts a little once in a while. Doctor said if this persists for another 2 weeks, I'll have to go perform and MRI scan. I'm 24 turning 25 and already having this sort of weird problems. This only remind me again that we are fragile beings. No one will know what will happen to us in the future. Thank God, He knows.

Got home, rested and went out for a test drive of the new Honda Accord with BY. Quite alright. I think it's gonna beat Camry in every department. RM141k for the 2.0 litre is definitely gonna sell like hotcake. Waiting period for it is about 4 to 5 months. Means you can only can get your car almost to the end of the year. Well.. hopefully BY decides to get it so I can drive his car around too. Muahahaha..

ok, took some sleeping pill called Xanax. Waking up every single night and sleeping lesser and lesser every night. Longest sleep I have for the past 2 weeks would be for about 5 hours. Gonna have insomia soon. Hopefully this pill works.

alright.. that's all fer now. Either the pill kicked in already or I'm just way too sleepy and tired from the long day. Hmm.. where to eat tomorrow night leh? still thinking..

Love and the "Greatest expression of love"

2008-05-02T20:06:00.009+08:00

Firstly, let me share with you a couple of verses before we look at what is said to be the Greatest expression of love.

"Life without love is worthless"(NASB)
1 Corinthians 13:1 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
1 Corinthians 13:2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
1 Corinthians 13:3 If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,but have not love, I gain nothing.

"Love is eternal"(NLT)
1 Corinthians 13:13 There are three things that will endure--faith, hope, and love--and the greatest of these is love.

We all know that love plays a very important role in everyone's life. We all claim we know how to love the people/person we love but are we doing it right? are we loving them the way they want to be loved or are we loving them the way we are comfortable with? Have we demonstrated the greatest expression of love?

So what is the greatest expression of love?

I googled the sentence "greatest expression of love" and I found many interesting ideas/thoughts on this issue. Seems to me alot of people are interested in this topic.

Rick Warren puts it very simply in his book "The Purpose Driven Life" that the greatest gift you can give someone is your time. Here are some links to his resources.
http://www.bibleone.net/pdl16.html

http://books.google.com.my/books?id=wNa5nSu-7PoC&pg=PA127&lpg=PA127&dq=The+importance+of+things+can+be+measured+by+how+much+time+we+are+willing+to+invest+in+them.&source=web&ots=kz2qoRmHW9&sig=6tqsG9Ke6_iybOPqwi4q01iaV3s&hl=en

This is quoted from Darla, a mother/housewife from this site.
http://bibleforums.org/forum/archive/index.php?t-24455.html
"Busyness is the enemy of relationships. Ironicaly, I often find myself so busy doing things for my family, that it cuts into the time I should be spending with them. The love that I show them and the time I spend with them is far more important than washing their clothes or cleaning their rooms. I need to remember this."

This is so true isn't it? Someone once asked a child the following question.
"Do you like all the toys that your parents gave you?"
He answered,
"I'm willing to give all of the toys away if dad and mum would spend more time with me."

Strangely and surprising enough, the question of what is the greatest expression of love was also asked in yahoo.com and of course answers to it can be found in answers.yahoo.com. Here are some interesting thoughts.

quoted from answers.yahoo.com
cooli0
I know it's cliche, but you can't really express the meaning of love, unless you're feeling it with the other person.I'll try anyways: I think the best expression of love, is when you don't even have to do anything, & all you do is look into that person's eyes, & know, positively, that they love you no matter what you do or what you look like. It's literally like a 'spark' where you don't even have to say a word, & you know that the two fit perfectly together, there's no better match.
alan
love is not measured by words being said, nor by gifts being given. its measured by how much you care for them, by giving your life. thats love for family and friends. but for someone you cant live w/o, it is measured on how much she/he means to you, by giving your life and how much effort you exert when you become one.

kamagong (best answer as voted by yahoo)
If you are committed to someone, be it a friend, a spouse or your child, then it encompasses all - the willingness to sacrifice for them, the accordance of respect due them, the deep concern for their well-being and the total giving of your time and energy for them. Love at its ultimate expression, nothing less!
the ultimate expression of love is risking or giving up one's life for the (sake of the) one he loves (i am not talking about suicide itself).

Other answers include.
- time
- complete acceptance of others, as they are
- unconditional
- giving up everything for them
- marriage
- Diamond Ring
- intimacy/sexual intercourse
- Roses/Chocolates/expensive gifts
- commitment
- etc

Let's just ponder on one of the answers above, which is "giving up everything for them".

The greatest example of one giving up everything for his friends is Christ.
"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends" John 15:13

We can never fully comprehend the spiritual aspect of Christ’s suffering and shame, but medical studies shed glimpses of light on the physical agony and all the horror that Jesus endured on the cross. Details of what He went thru can be found in the bible of course. This site gives a clearer picture/description of what our Lord went through.
http://www.blessedhopechapel.org/expressionoflove.html

Christ's ultimate expression of love was to sacrifice Himself for all. People who knew Him, yet to know Him, who liked Him, who hated Him. Some would argue and say of course He can do that coz He's God. There's nothing He can't do. But think again, He chose to live life as one of us. Suffered shame and humility, pain and more pain. Died the worst death ever. The most tormenting death sentence ever created by men, crucified on the cross. Yes, He's God and.... He did not need to go through all those but He did. God died for us. Think again, God, creator of heaven and earth, created you and I. He loved us so so much He gave His one and only Son to die for our sins. If this is not love, I seriously doubt the others are.

Well then again I'm not suggesting that we all die for each other without a reason but I'm just merely pointing out all the various answers/ideas/thoughts that people have regarding "The greatest expression of love".

This afternoon while I was driving home from the hospital, I received an SMS from aunty Joyce asking me about my current condition and how I'm coping with the breakup, etc. I told her I was ok and I'm happy coz the person I love is being cared 4 by God Himself, so what more can I ask? It strucked me when I typed the sms. I woke up and I realized I've been doing it all wrong, I mean not all wrong but the main thing I did not do in my relationship was to let go and let God. What I'm trying to say is when 2 people come into a relationship, they have their own individual lifestyle, different family upbringing, different background, different circles of friends, different temperament, different.. alot of things. Sometimes we try so hard to change or to control someone to live the life we live, we suffocate the person. Although it may be from a good intention to care and to protect someone, but the method implemented is totally a no-go. Over caring and over protecting will only cause the person to feel no longer happy and comfortable doing what he or she likes to do. In my relationship, I failed to put God as the center of the relationship. I failed to see that He will be the one taking care of all these nitty gritty things. He cares for her when she's not around me, He guides and directs her paths and He'll do the same for me. The more we force the person to do the things we do the more the person will want out. Being in a relationship is suppose to be living your life the way you want and getting the approval and the support from the other party but also having in mind that there's a commitment that you have to live up to and not letting the other party worry too much.

Joey Mcintyre's famous song, "Stay the same" says it all. The last few lines goes something like this.
And I hope you always stay the same
Cause there's nothing about you I would change
No there's nothing about you I would change
www.youtube.com/watch?v=cn2dmUIelkQ

The main reason you love someone in a relationship is because he or she is who he or she is and not who you want him or her to be. Every girl and some guys paint a picture of how their future mate will be and sometimes though rarely, this person appears. And when this person appears, the first few months together is superb. Because of love, everything will be ok but after the years goes by, expectations arises and demands are throwed at each other. That is when you expect someone to change to suit you. Well, I have a sentence for you. Change yourself, change the world. If you want a change to take place, the first place to look at is not outside but within you.

I learnt my lesson the hard way but as I told aunty Joyce. Tho painful but fruitful. Hopefully just hopefully my future companion will benefit from what I've learnt.

From all said above, time, sacrifice, diamond ring, chocolates, etc, I would say the greatest expression of love would vary from one individual to another. In my case, mine would be the "complete acceptance of others, as they are". God accepted us as who we are so I have to learn to accept people for who they are and if they are not right in certain aspect, I'm not to criticise but I'm to play a supportive role to be there for them and to care for them the way that they can accept. Lesson to self, don't play God in someone's life. Let God be God.

Hmm.. seems like I'm going all over but I hope what I've shared benefits everyone who reads this. Long winded and maybe without an objective or purpose but I think some of you will be thinking of some aspects in your relationship with friends, family, loved ones, etc you may need to improve on. If you are thinking, then I think I did not write in vain.

cell is about to begin... better be downstairs. Hahaha. Cannot be anti-social.

I leave you with this letter. Known to be the greatest love letter ever written. It's now a historical document and it's known as the Sullivan Ballou letter (July 14, 1861)
http://www.pbs.org/civilwar/war/ballou_letter.html

have fun reading..

Labour's Day celebration.

2008-05-01T23:48:00.009+08:00

Wow...

A very different Labour's day compared to the previous years... very fulfilling day.

started the morning by shopping.... bought a few Timberland shirt. Must pamper self more nowadays. True True. Queued up for 2 hours just to pay for the shirts but it wasnt me who queued up. Sister did. Hahaha.

Went to Tuck Kee for Lunch. Dim Sum there different standard from the normal Dim Sum shops. Quite good. Lots of variety but mostly sold out cause too good business.

Dim Sums

Salad Prawns & Fish Fillet noodles.

After makan, family went on a spree to look for Schnauzers. Visited a few pet shops but was told that they were all sold out. After watching some show on tv, everyone became crazy over it. Ended up seeing lots of other dogs and cats and Chincila. hahaha

Shih Tzu and Golden Retriever
Shiba Inu and Chinchilla
White cat and brown cat...
hahaha no name

After all the running around, we went home and rested. Later at night, went for dinner with Boon Yee at QBA, Westin. Wagyu beef and rack of lamb was good and so was the soup. Price was good too, after discount lah. If no discount then quite pricey but expected lah coz wagyu beef memang expensive, sumore in Westin. Anyway, thx again BY for the dinner.

After makan, decided to drop by at Nic's and Yap's place. Really cool that they can live together and not have any arguments, misunderstandings, etc. That's the difference between friends and girlfriend but well still have lots to learn in that department. Glad I dropped by and got to know them better.

another day and many lessons learnt.
1. Wagyu beef memang sedap
2. More rest, more sleep is good
3. Family time is priceless
4. Sister paid for my shirt and me not paying back is lagi priceless. Hahaha
5. Time is beginning to pick up speed again.
6. Confidence coming back to me.

Well, end of yet another day. My psychologist said I have to rate my every day. Hmm... today I'll give it a 8.5/10. Quite good eh? Hehehe.. gaya betul, got psychologist wan.

1st Birthday celeration this year... late post.

2008-05-01T14:46:00.005+08:00

4gotten to post this up yesterday...

Yesterday, 30/04/2008, my bunch of colleagues and my boss celebrated my birthday for me. Got me waiting until about 7pm. Abit tired and a little sleepy but it was well worth the wait. Thanks Mindy and gang for the cake. Absolutely love it. Thanks Cindy for the non-stop encouragement and for being a good listener. If you need someone to talk to, remember you can always call.... EMC, Adic, CSA, Operator, etc. hahahaha...
My cake, Cindy's hand cutting it. Haha
My colleagues.

Me and Mindy. My boss.. hahaha nolar.

taking Risks or just being in a pickle..

2008-05-01T00:59:00.019+08:00

almost 24 hours without rest again... Yayy.. Record breaking feat. Somehow again, I'm not too sleepy yet. Thinking of watching the Liverpool-Chelsea game but another hour and a half to go. We'll see...

Had a fun time playing Risks. Though I lost coz Boss cheated. Hahaha. Anyway, had not laughed and joked like that for a long time.

After the game we went on to play "In a Pickle". A simple word game where the objective of the game is to put words which represents a thing into another word. For example if the card you have is Clown and the word shown on the floor is Cheeseburger, you can say there's a cheeseburger in the Clown. Get it? Fun game where crapping is the only way to win. Hahaha

Half way thru the game, we had the grandest Labour's day celebration ever. Pastries and French red wine from Westin. Courtesy of BoonYee as always.

Fantastic isn't it? hahaha..

after all the makan, we continued playing until Daniel (Boss) is declared the pickle and we have to call him that for remainder of the week.

Enjoyed myself thoroughly and though tired and exhausted, the day has been fantastic.

Eyelid closing down but yet i'm not sleepy but since I need to go down to Taman Tun early tomorrow morning, better call it a day.

To all labourers who work and toil the whole of their life, do not be dissapointed and do not give up. Know that there's one day dedicated to us workers and that day is 1st May. Hahaha.

Got a msg from Cindy saying from a "cheap labourer to a not so cheap labourer". Super lawak.

Copied and the sent a msg to my boss writing the following:-

"from a cheap labourer to an expensive labourer. Happy Labour's Day!"

hahahaha..

glad my boss has a good sense of humour.

Alright, better sign off now before my mum ask me to go sleep early again.

g'nite.. ciaoz!

coming in to work at 4am... MU won!

2008-04-30T06:21:00.012+08:00

Man Utd 1-0 Barcelona: Scholes' glorious strike

http://soccernet.espn.go.com/report?id=239781&cc=4716

Lucky I did not predict the score. Muahaha

Woke up late. Got to see a little of the match and have to rush off to work.Being at work about 4am is so relaxing. No phone calls, No users, No questions by anyone. Just me, my comp and my internet connection.

Remember back in the early days while I was still a junior at office and everyone hates working night and of coz being a junior means I have no choice but to come in. But I love working night coz I can have the day off... which I usually hang out at her place the whole day while she's studying. Well those days are over. People change remember? hahaha... yah yah.. remind me again that change is good.

Solved my cluster issues. Somehow I've tested out all the steps before they were given to me but maybe the sequence that I applied the steps were a little different. Well, had some time after that to tidy up my cubicle. err..Maybe just tidying it up a little
.
Me at 5am. Alone at office. Hahaha

read alot about blogging recently. Always hated the idea to write about everything. One of the reasons why I did not want to get a PDA was because I thought I could contain everything in my head and I could remember everything. Must be getting old coz nowadays I really start to forget things. Should get a PDA but still scouting around for a cool looking, sleek, latest and featured full one. Sony Ericsson X1 should be good. Not too sure how much it costs but it should be in the range of RM2500 to RM3000.

Time to spoil myself. Haha. Have not changed one of my phones for 4 years. Talk about being a miser. Hahaha. Anyway, how did I get here. Was talking about reading about blogs... hmm, read somewhere that blogs are based on some themes.. personal, food, cars, girls, photos, hotspots, etc. Mine would definitely be personal and likelihood of my personal blog being read compared to some girl in singapore is practically close to 0% chance. Hahaha.. still, blogging is alright and for the time being I'm still cool with the idea.

Wow.. I slept for like just 2 hours+ but somehow I don't feel tired. Have been waking up in the middle of the night every single night. Waking up, sitting up, staring into the darkness, thinking to myself.. "why I wake up ar?". Well after that I'll just say a simple prayer every single night to ask God to take care of those I love and cherish in my life and I will go back to sleep. Maybe that's God's alarm clock for me to wake up to give thanks and to pray. Good Good.. Cool Cool? hahaha thanks to YJ, EJ and SH for the Cool Cool addiction.

Yesterday Cindy asked me what I've learnt so far from the break up.
Here are some stufz that I can think of right now. Sorry although not sleepy but brain not functioning properly coz it's just 5+ am.

1. God's plans comes first.

2. Family and friends means alot to me.

3. Important time to concentrate fully on work.

4. Ministries aplenty, seeking Him first to lead me to help out in one.

5. Self-improvement time to better prepare for future challenges.

6. Opportunity to reflect on previous mistakes in relationship and to work on to improve to be a better companion in the future.

7. She's very independent. If we ever get together again and If I return to heaven earlier than her I know she can look after herself properly. =) (ok ok.. stop thinking about it right? i kno i kno)

well... quite alot I can think of right?but at the end of the day.. God is good. I've been thru my worst period so far in my life and I've survived. Now i'm appreciating every single second of my life knowing that God indeed has a plan for me and this plan requires me to be further sharpened and ready.

Well.. back to work. Tons of outstanding. Doubt I could ever finish it. By the time half of it is done, I'll get a full new set of outstandings again. As the saying goes...

"Work can never be finished."

6:20am... start work!

Just got off work... tired but enjoyed.

2008-04-29T22:44:00.002+08:00

Worked extra hours today to solve some unsolvable problems with my clusters. Escalated the case to Microsoft and managed to solve one cluster. Other cluster can only be down later at 5am so I'll have to work the graveyard shift again. Well, don't really mind coz as long as i'm working I can really think of nothing else but work. Glad I worked in Public Bank where work is never finished, dates and days are all haywired, datelines are always tomorrow, projects are always.."oh this is the last one." Hahaha. Not that bad lah.. exagerating but I think some of you know what I mean right??

Got home and mum cooked and ultra big bowl of yee mee with extra extra ingredients. If ever I get married and move away, definitely will miss mum's cooking. Best in USJ, Subang Jaya and some say Malaysia too. Muahaha.

Received tons of wedding invitations... got one for 10th May... 7th June, 14th June, 21st June and 28th June. June gonna be bankrupt.. muahahha.. but glad people I know found the one they love and are able to spend the rest of their life with their loved ones. Me... have to wait lorr.. but still young, can afford to wait. Build up my career, improve self, learn more things, learn how to care for people... then God will arrange someone for me wan... sure sure wan... hahaha..

Biggest game ever tonight.. MU must win. Not gona predict score coz the last time I predicted the score, MU lost. Argh!. Lucky I don't bet on games or else I sure lose every single game.

Blogging is quite addictive. Or maybe I'm just so bored, no one to talk to.. i just write and write and write. Seriously I'm writing longer and longer each day. Maybe I should really think of writing something good. Who knows... i'll be the next J.K Rowling, J.R.R Tolkien or C.S Lewis.

hmm... should consider.. hahaha

gonna go for a nice bath.. then sleep awhile before I give my soul to Public Bank.

Exhausted physically but somehow mentally still very strong... can go on for a few days if I keep up my positive attitude. Must influence and impact all around me.

hmm.. emotionally... quite neutral. A little weak knees.. but I know that all's fine coz He's in control. He's doing all the worrying now and He's doing all the taking care of her now. Thank You Lord.

now... Move on, move forward and improve!!!

ciaoz.

change is good... if the change is a good one.

2008-04-28T23:27:00.002+08:00

glad I've moved on and glad she's moved on..

glad we can be talking like friends.. glad she's working real hard to achieve her new goals in life. Whatever it is, I'll be the supportive friend. She's definitely my role model and I need to put in more effort in my work and in whatever I do.

First step to change would be... to sleep early. Muahaha.

super tired after gym... then minum... exhausted.

gona sleep now.. ciaoz.

half day at work but as though i've been there 24 hours.

2008-04-28T20:45:00.003+08:00

checked in to office bout 1230pm today. Have to help out with some banking stuffs with dad and mum.

Once in, got to my little messy cubicle and started reading my emails. Tons and tons of problems-filled mails which I just choose to ignore unless ms.Cindy ask whether I've read the email already. Calls started to just pour in and problems after problems, requests after requests just flooded in like some floodgates burst opened. Well, I sure do miss work. Hahaha. really enjoy working but sometimes too much is really too much. Been thinking of taking a long long vacation, maybe go backpacking in Austria or Scotland or maybe just going back to Melbourne to spend some time with my friends there. Well, all premature thinking but can be carefully considered. To do so, I'll have to reshuffle some of my schedule which I have to ask my secretary to do so. But unfortunately, I do not have one yet. Haha. So which means, I have to do the rescheduling myself. Argh!! I have no time to even clean up my own cubicle let alone scheduling of activities? hahaha..

Yayy.. Sim Wai Wong read my blog today. But she said I'm writing too lengthily... too much details people won't read. Nevermind lah, write for myself to reflect on in a later stage of my life. To evaluate my growth progress and to learn from past mistake. Cool Cool? hahaha.

Happy mood coming back. Coping well with everything that's happening. Must be God in action. Bringing in the healing process so quickly. Enjoyed being weak in His presence. Not to say I want to go thru the pain again but just sometimes when I really think that I can achieve so so much by my own strength, wisdom, etc, God really knows how to teach me a lesson. Well... lesson well taught Father in Heaven. Thanks.

Now i'm just taking everyday as itself, one day at a time.

"So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matt 6:34 (NASB)

That's right. Gonna let all the worrying, heavy thinking, massive planning, mammoth task, etc to God. I'm not going to sit aside to watch but I'll just learn how to depend on Him more. After all, I'm just human. I fall, I stumble, I cry, I shout, I feel pain too especially those blue-black pinches I receive last time.. argh! LOL! Not incredible Hulk or something right?

my thought for the day...

If I can achieve the things I've achieved today, what more can I achieve if I improve myself further? Well again.. with the help of God.

key word for today and for a long long time more... "Self-improvement!"

Jackie Chan.. Jet Li... Forbidden Kingdom

2008-04-27T22:50:00.007+08:00

First time i watched a movie in 3 1/2 years without her. Muahahaha.. terra rite?

Anyway, feeling was real different but enjoyed the show. Watched it with my family and not some new girl like some of you thought. Me not gonna be in business for a long long time. Hahaha.. unless... it's...

Jessica Alba

Maybe I should stick to my old principles... Eu Joe worr, no need to go after girls wan. Let girls come lah. Muahaha. OK, i'm too old to tell such lame jokes. Somehow feeling real happy 2day. Feeling I've achieved something in life. Have been a Jack of all trades for too long. Need to be a master of something. So many things to learn, don't know which one is good for me but whichever it is, I pray I will have the patience to complete.

end of a week again. Next week is my big day!! Agung's birthday! muahaha. The self-proclaimed Agung of USJ5. Not too sure if i'll be caught by some jabatan Yang di Pertuan agong if they found out I'm proclaiming myself Agung. Some blasphemy or something. Better stay low-profile. hahaha..

tho, Permaisuri Agung decided to leave Agung behind but.. I still have lots to celebrate. God has been good to me for the past 24 years... these past 2 weeks.. God has been ever so real and ever so close to me. He gave me friends who cried with me, who suffered with me, he gave me colleagues who are ever so understanding and most importantly, He gave me my family. I will always remember the sms my dad sent me. It goes something like this "Son, we are a family. When one suffers, we all suffer. When one is happy, we share your happiness." Beautiful isn't it. Too many things in life I have put aside. Now i'm back. So ironic that I directed and starred in a show called Prodigal son 2 years back. Now i feel like I'm really the prodigal son, coming back to Jesus and whatever He has in mind for me. And you know what the good news is? He will never never never turn His back to anyone who's willing to come back to Him. Not to say that when I was in a relationship I did not spend time with my loved ones but maybe just my priorities in life was not set in accordance to His will.

The next relationship I get into, I think I have to remind myself that a relationship is suppose to built one another and not pull down one another. Grammatically something's wrong with that sentence but I think the meaning is quite clear.

Glad glad glad I survived... YAY!!!! woo hoo!!! hahahaha..
can't wait to find my lost self.. gonna have more wrinkles.. coz gonna laugh laugh and laugh non-stop. Hey... hope you find your lost self too.. JoyfulnBouncy all the time!!!

10:55pm.... sleep? hmm... walk around first. haha

thought to bring to sleep... "Christ-ian... ian = I am nothing... without Christ"

beautiful, wonderful Savior. Good night!

Sunday...Church.... home...

2008-04-27T15:07:00.004+08:00

Can't help myself but to just cry out today. Was tearful after Faithful God was sung. Reminded me again that our God is always faithful. His love is unchanging and in His wisdom, He has poured out His grace. Was filled with emotions over the things that has happened for the past 2 weeks. When the last song before the sermon was sung, Amazing Grace... can't contain my tears anymore and I just wept but not that terribly, i'm pretty sure coz no one looked at me. hehe

Anyway, after worship, decided to go check out whether I'm on duty for toddler's class. Met YY and he asked about my dad and I shared about my problems and he prayed for me. Thanks so much. Thanks for the surfing analogy too. I'm greatly inspired.

Listening to this song.. God of Wonders, reminded me of the time I was back in Australia in an outing with my cell then.. International Student Cell which then became International Student Zone. We were in front of seal rock and the feeling was just.. WOW!! God of wonders beyond our galaxy. A mighty God who created the mighty sea, the strong winds.... and yet He cares so much for a mere human like me. For those who've yet to know this God, try to think.. sometimes when you are just so empty, so lonely... nothing you do can fill that emptiness. That's a void only God can fill. It's made in all of us. It's called a "God-shaped void." For the past 2 weeks, He has overflown to other voids in my heart and I'm just so thankful for the experience. I'm beginning to feel overflowing joy again.

Not too sure who told me this:- that in order to care for others or to share laughter with others, I have to be filled up and patched up first so that the joy that comes out from me will not be a fake joy but it'll be from the overflowing joy that only God can bring.

Advises I've given out alot. Advises I've to start listening from now on. God has placed many different individuals in my life and all these people may be here to stay in my life, some come and go but yet I know deep down that each of them has played a role to shape my life to the way it is today. They have been used by God to do so. Thank you family and friends for your support, guidance and advises. It's time I repay your kindness by being the very person that God intended me to be. A person who spreads joy and laughter wherever I go. It's something that I'm guilty of not doing alot lately. Will start to rediscover that lost part of me.

Listening to this song now -> Avalon - Joy to the World for the Lord has come.

indeed... the pain I feel right not is nothing to the Joy I've received from HIM! Amen.

10pm... sleep.. nothing to do.

2008-04-26T22:01:00.003+08:00

either i'm getting old.. or I seriously can't get used to single life.

used to enjoy being alone... playing playstation, driving around alone, going to summit to buy dvds, getting a drink alone.. but now, everytime i'm alone, I seriously feel so so lonely.

going to bed coz seriously nothing much to do. I have tons of dvd yet to be watched. Don't know when I'll restock. Lost the motivation to restock. Sighs...

better go sleep before my mind wanders away again.

change is good, but sure is difficult.
Need strength, need inspiration, need motivation.

"dear Lord,
as night draws to a close, I pray Lord that as I rest tonight, I'll really get a good rest.
As I awake tomorrow, May You fill me with Your love and grace once again. Please grant me strength to take on new challenges in life. Grant me patience to overcome current challenges. Above all Lord, grant me love Lord so that I can care for others like how Jesus cared for me.
Good night Lord, it's been a long day and I'm exhausted physically, emotionally, mentally.
Amen"

Good Nite. Sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite!

dad's home.. all ok

2008-04-26T18:21:00.005+08:00

Praise the Lord..

all's ok.

Thank you Lord.. Thank you so much.

Glad nothing's wrong. Not too sure what's the cause though. Doctors said all ok, could be just some viral infection or some acute ear disease that comes and goes. For all who've prayed, thank you so much.

Life is getting back to normal now. Have been having emotional roller-coasters for many many days now. Going to go full steam ahead to recapture my lost time. Need to improve self in many aspects.

1. Regain confidence level
2. Self-improvement.. music and language courses, golf, flying, etc.
3. Help out in ministries... PA, church camp committee, toddlers, asst. Cell leader, etc.
4. Focus on work.. new projects. CTCS, SAN, etc.
5. Spend time with family and friends
6. any other things that God will lead me to.

This whole incident thought me to not plan too far ahead coz my plans are not necessarily HIS plans. I'm gonna be quiet in HIS presence so that I can learn about this plan He has for me day by day.

Hands freezing... 5 hours sitting in front of comp deleting mails, housekeeping files, Malaysiakini-ing, bbc.com, soccernet.com, etc etc...

in need of a change!! a big change!!

6:22pm 26/04/08... My commitment to self >>> Self-improvement!!

2am.. not sleepy

2008-04-26T01:45:00.003+08:00

still not sleepy.. many things in my mind right now.

how will the results of my dad's scans be tomorrow?

hopefully all's good. I know God is in control and God will intervene when things are not done according to His will and way. I pray that the doctors will have the wisdom to diagnose well and to determine the cause to the pain he's getting off and on. May the medicine prescribe by the doctors be a miracle cure that can remove his pain instantaneously..

have to really really sleep. Have to slow down my mind and let it rest so that I can be at the hospital in the morning to help out and to be around.

thought about it..

why am I complaining when I'm already so so blessed...
I've got so many things in life that some can only dream of having and yet I'm making a fuss about the things I'm encoutering right now.

"dear Lord,
forgive me for the wrongdoings i've done.
forgive me for complaining.
I know whatever that has happened, has happened
I need to learn from all of these things and move on with life with new focus and attitude.
Help me to be stronger each day so that I can be depended on by my family and friends.
Thank you Lord for the countless blessings in my life.
Help me to share the blessings with others, help me to be a blessings to others..
Amen."

Gonna knock myself on the head or maybe watch a super boring drama to put myself to bed.
1:54am... last minute that I'll be wallowing in self-pity. Have to have confidence in life for I'm made according to His image. That means I have a chop somewhere saying "made by God". Can never let someone say I'm not good enough.

life does not end at 25.... life begins at 25... hahaha

1 step forward, 2 steps backward

2008-04-25T22:50:00.008+08:00

Did not make it to the retreat. Dad warded in the hospital. Mom is very very worried. Have not seen dad so sick before. Right before my eyes my father laid there almost motionless for each movement causes immense pain to his head.

"Dear Lord, Please have mercy. Please show Him your grace and heal him. Please strengthen Him once again and make him healthy. Please look after mom too. She's worried, please give her the strength so that she can be ever supportive towards dad. Amen."

Sigh...
my plea to everyone.. please do not wish me Happy Birthday this year. This is seriously the worst worst period of my life. I've tried so hard to move forward, to move on with life but I just got pushed back further and further. I need strength to move on. I need strength to stand up so that my family wont be worried. So that I can be someone they can depend on. My job... tons of calls, sometimes I just wish I do not know the answers to most of their questions so that they can just call someone else. But if I've done so, will I get my promotions? Will I get my increments? So many ifs, so many maybes, so many if onlys... life is full of regrets. I've had alot. I can't afford any other regrets in life.

Why is this happening to me? All i've wished for before I hit 25... I've gotten it all.. and yet now.. sighs... I'm always a positive person but in the space of 2 weeks I've dropped to become the most negative person on earth. What is the reason behind all this? What am I suppose to learn? All I know is there's definitely something for me to get out of all this. I know I'll be a much better person.

Thanks so much to all who made the effort to give me hours of counselling but hearing me counsel instead. Thanks so much to all who lend me their ears but ended up me listening to them more. Thanks so much to those who spent time with me through this period.

Relationships... gonna put the BGR stufs down for awhile.
Not up to it. Not qualified to talked about. Will be back in this arena but later.. not now, not anytime soon. Got red carded. Banned for 5 matches.

God,family, friends, colleagues, work.. all these I'll live for...

"Grant me strength oh Lord. That's what I need right now. Grant me comfort so that I can wake up every morning feeling loved by You. Fill the void in my heart now and plaster my heart. Make me whole once more."

Moving on.. not looking back anymore. Serious. Last time I'm talking about this. If not, I won't blog about it. Hahaha.
still can make myself laugh and make myself happy. Told you so!!!

Another reason why I have to move on... coz I need to see Manchester United take League and Champions League cup!!! YAY!!!!

Predictions... MU 3 - 0 Chelsea

Retreat (25/04 - 27/04)

2008-04-25T10:32:00.003+08:00

Koinonia Annual Retreat
Venue: Tapah
Date: 25 April 2008 to 27 April 2008

Should be a fun fun time. Looking forward to it. At least I can just take my mind of things for awhile. Have been having so much thoughts in my mind I think I forget I'm just human. Thank you Lord for this retreat. Help me learn something from it and may I remember it for the rest of my life.

Woke up at the wrong side of bed this morning. Feeling all mushy and weak. Used to tell her these are the signs of weak knees... a phrase only used by us. Well, all has passed. I have to remember that. Somehow the stubborn me still clinging on to yesterday. Thinking of the things I should have or should not have done. There's a saying in mandarin that goes like this...

"When you are on your horse, looking back will only make you fall. Look forward, press on and head to the glorious finish."

well.. does'nt sound like the saying I have in mind.. but I guess you all got my point. Learning to trust in God's providence for every second of my life is definitely something new and something that I'll treasure for the rest of my life. Every single second I'm just talking to Him telling Him how I feel and telling Him what I feel like doing and whether it's right or wrong. Somehow when the decision is wrong, I can feel "unpeacefulness" building in my heart.. Thank you Lord and thank you HS for being my concience.

This year must be a good year to get married maybe it's some chinese auspicious belief.. 2008.
yee leng leng fatt? hahaha sounds like yee teng teng fatt... means very very easy to be prosperous. Well initially I thought of getting married at 20/10/2010.. hahaha.. but well may still happen, who knows. Just dunno who the unlucky bride will be.

Just visited a beautiful wedding website belonging to my friend, May and her husband of course. Well all the best to May and Chia Yong. May you live life to the fullest, being used by Him and for His glory sake. Be happy and above all be fruitful and multiply!!! hahahaha.

Got a bad feeling I keep forgetting somethings. Always happen before i leave for somewhere. Stil have some stickers in my bag telling where my socks, shirt, jeans, etc are located in the bag. Thanks to the ever meticulous ex gf of mine. Whoever who gets her in the future.. Congrats. She's the best there is. Second to none. hahaha. Promoting my ex like selling product only. Muahaha. Got commission?

okay.. me gotta really go check on my luggage.. sure forget something. Wont be posting anything for the next 2 -3 days but will update some photos when I'm back.

I'm stoned, blurr, somewhat depressed, mind clogged with tons of data waiting to processed, dual core processor in my head running a 16 core app, now I'm in serious need of a retreat...

ciaoz.

end of another day...

2008-04-24T22:14:00.002+08:00

have not slept from 230am till now... 10:15pm.

YAAAAAWWWN!!!

hahaha..

work was ok today. As usual, tons of phone calls. Somehow I just feel i'm like a telephone operator sometimes merely passing calls around. Just because I pick up calls!!! and the rest just leave it ringing... hahaha.

went to parade just now.. wandered around ended up in MPH. Sat awhile to read some books. Remembered one of the first place we went together was MPH. That was more than 3 and half years ago. Well came across a book with a funny title... "Istanbul bastard". Wonder what the book is about. Walked to science fiction and just picked up a book and started reading. It's either I was too blur to understand or science fiction books are to chim for me already. Left MPH and walked to parkson. Ended up walking downstairs to skin food where I stood and stare.. one of the last places we've been together. Well just walked around until I reached to carrefour. hahaha..
met up with John See, Julian, Boss and hannah. They were discussing about the retreat tomorrow and I was disturbing. Haha. Din bother them too much, had my dinner and walked around a little outside carrefour.. walked back to my car which I parked in front of TGIF. Long walk but for the fit me, it's ok. Hahaha. Shed 5 kgs for the past 3 weeks. Brilliant achivement. Now i'm in the optimum weight category.
I think I really have to look at people's blogs before writing. I'm like laughing to myself all the time. It's more like a letter or a note to self more than anything. Strange but true.

Tomorrow is cell retreat. Koinonia never fails to deliver. Year after year, the retreat gets better and better. One day have to ask Koinonia to plan for church camp already. Muahaha. Talking of which. Argh.. have to prepare games and talent night. hehehe.. time to torture some souls. Muahahaha.

Crazy man laughing and blogging at the same time. I think my blog must be the lamest. At least I win lamest blog award. haha.

At work early...real early..

2008-04-24T05:33:00.000+08:00

4:00am... off to work..

boring game between MU and Barca.. but of course.. MU defended well.. controversial decisions by referee but it usually happens in big game.. well at least a draw is good for MU.. muahhaha

at work now.. cluster servers not to stable. One going down after another.. well have to use the little knowledge I have on clusters to solve the problem..

Glad i'm pretty awake.. thought i'll be snoozing away.. but well somehow I have the energy, stamina to carry on. Must be from HIM! Thank you Lord for this strength I have to carry on.

argh.. still waiting for servers to be up. Hmm.. wonder what she's doing.. Sleeping of course!! hahaha.. knowing her... she'll be snoring away.. kakaka.. oops.. nolar.. sleeps like a princess. After all that has happened, really hope we still can be good good friends. After all she loves spending time with her friends. LOL.

moving on life without her for a week now. Life has never been so difficult and different. Up till today, still do not know whether the seperation decision is a good one but I still have to respect her decision. Hope she'll find more joy and happiness in whatever she's doing. As for me, life is slowing down a little. Hopes of getting married and enjoying time with my lovely wife have to be put aside.. coz.... no gf lah... hahaha. Nevermind, work hard now. Spend less and have some savings. Can help out whoever who needs it or get myself a bigger car?? ..wishful thinking.

better go save my clusters... have to be up by 6:15am. gosh..

a very good morning to all!!!

can life be worse than this

2008-04-23T11:11:00.000+08:00

Went to futsal... relapsed of old injury. Ankle still in pain right now.
missed every open goal opportunity. Friends asked me when I'm getting married and how's my gf. Just kept quiet and said well everything's ok. Life is good, etc... din want to talk about it much so just changed topic.

After that got lots of call from office and thankfully colleague went in to work to solve the problem.

Almost to the end of futsal, received alot of calls from my brother and mother. I called home and to my disbelief, mum told me that dad is very sick. On the whole journey home, thoughts just filled my mind. First I lost my gf, have to go work everyday to handle tons of work even though I feel not up to it and now my dad is so sick. Argh.. How come everything happened before my Agung's birthday? Why Why Why? I felt so so so low. I slumped again. Reached home and saw my mum and my brother with my dad, quickly bathed and sent him to the clinic nearby. After the diagnosis and some medication, dad recovered slowly. Mum was very very worried so was my brother and sister. Needless to say, I was worried but I told myself I need to be strong coz my family needs me. I need to stand up and not feel hurt coz when I fall everyone around me feels the hurt together. I want to be happy so that my joy and laughter can bring happiness to people around me.

I came to work this morning, feeling very down. Tried my luck and gave a call to ChaiLeng and to my surprise, she picked up the phone and asked me how's my dad. Glad I had the conversation with her. Asked for her prayer and told her bout how i'm coping etc. Glad she's alright and glad's she's happy. Wished she was around when I needed her most for the past 2 weeks but I know she has already moved on.

Anyway, after putting down that call 2 of my systems went down, one after the other. The thought of giving up crept into my mind but NO!!! never goin to give up. My world is falling apart but NO!! never going to give up.

I'm not going to blame God for everything that is happening. I'm just going to put in more effort in everything I do and put more trust in Him. I know that in HIS time HE made all things beautiful and in HIS time, HE will continue to do so. I will continue to trust in HIM and believe that HE will make my path straight.

Today is 23/04/2008. He will make a difference in my life. I will be used by Him for His glory sake. My prayer today is for everyone around me to be happy and healthy!!

now.. Back to work. PBB don't pay me to blog.

off to futsal

2008-04-22T20:49:00.000+08:00

gosh...
what a title. Even the nitty gritty things in life i'm gonna blog it down in here.

1 week since the BAD DAY!! <- hahaha

2008-04-22T08:46:00.000+08:00

abit late to office...
usually here bout 810 today 830... but private parking lost already. Someone else parked my place.. Argh!!

but lucky still can park in basement. 200+ staffs but only 100+ parking. Somemore got 30+ place reserved for big shots.. nvm.. me gonna work hard so that I can get the reserved parking one day.. hahahaha

1 week since that dreaded day, the lowest point in my life... but me coping much better than I thot.. Thot that i'll slump and slump till i become a snail.. hmm.. dunno why snail lah but sounds like something that ppl can slump into. hahaha. Learnt lots of valuable lessons in life and also gained lots of new found long time no talked friends. Friends from all over the world in fact. Talk about being famous. Hahaha.. Now my ego is back again. Gosh.

well.. gonna ask Eugene and Jean Ann how to really use this blog thingy. Gonna make one good one to really capture my everyday thoughts and activities. Still new to this. Last time i wrote a blog was when Chai Leng said she wanted a one week break.. now.. she wants a full time break, i'm gonna write a full time blog. Hahahaha.

Gotta go work already, lots of work to do 2day. Colleagues all went for training. thanks to me and my big mouth. Muahahaha..

another happy day as This is the day that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it!

signing off at 850am.

new day new beginning...

2008-04-19T17:00:00.005+08:00

at work lah.. 5pm now..

friends have been superb.. cell was supportive.. thanks Aaron.. some how i felt the songs were chosen for me.. but Amazing Grace? hahaha.. came to work for fun actually. Just wanted to be occupied by things.

Went to brickfields for Indian Rice.. yummy.. abit far laah but quite worth it.. colleagues belanja sumore.

The shop.. mua and mua curry rice..

My colleagues.

Everyone showing concern for me and totally appreciate it.. hmm.. gonna do something new.. play golf... hahahaha.. friend said go learn how to fly a plane.. thinking of doing so.. learn 30 hours but for 6k... hmm.. but should be cool.

want to learn french and japanese. Pick up play piano by ear... learn guitar on thursday nights. french and japanese on saturday morning. Abit to ambitious lah.. but hopefully at the end of the day, I could really learn something new and make myself a better person.

These are all things that I want to do but seriously, I think I should consult God first and see what He wants me to do with my life.

Learning to look at things from a different angle is sure tough, overcoming obstacles and problems are much much more tougher.

This is what my friend told me..

"Rome was not built in a day. Moving forward is hard but keep the motion against the current. The heart is just another muscle organ, the more you stress it, the firmer it gets."

hahaha birthday party tonight.. for none other than Yours truly.. ME! abit early lah.. but thank you so much Koinonians.. you're the best.

5:15pm now.. better get my act together and finish my work..

bleuk.

Wondered why bloggers blog..

2008-04-16T11:18:00.002+08:00

Wondered why bloggers blog..

maybe i blogged for a different reason 2day.. maybe i'm just gonna do this just once.. only God knows..

painful and hurtful is what i'm feeling now. Emotionally wrecked more like it. Something I've given so much thought, time, effort, love, care, sweat, tears.. finally after 3 years 1 month 25 days.. it's gone.

questioned everyone why this is happening to me. Never imagined this would happened. All hopes i've harboured. All dreams I've built. Vanished, dashed, gone before my very eyes.

i've cried and i've cried.. thinking for how long will this last. Loved her so very much. Yet caused so much pain to her, she only finds happiness without me. A failure i must have been. Someone who should care so much, someone who should give her happiness yet the totally opposite happened. I'm sorry...

I don't know what I should do from here on. I don't know how to adjust my life back to how it was before I had her. I've to learn how to crawl once again before I walk, before I run, before I talk, before I laugh.. She's much better without me. I should be happy. I should be filled with joy knowing she's so so so happy but yet I still want her close to me. I know i'm wrong, i'm selfish, i'm thinking only for myself but yet again, it is something i'm guilty of not doing enough which is thinking for myself.

life is difficult. This is the worst patch of my life thus far. My friends are ever so accomodating and so patient. My family, the love i received, uncomparable. My cell mates.. your messages encouraged me, your kind thoughts touched me, your advises strengthens me.

I need to stand up again. I need to be the eujoe everyone knows about. I need to be the crappy, corny, funny, joking, never sad, never angry person that everyone knows about.

thank you all for bearing with me.. thank you for willingly share my problems despite all your busyness.. I will grow, I will learn, I will be a better person. This is my promise to everyone and to myself.

Lord, help me overcome, by your name I shall gain strength, by your grace I shall stand up and be who you want me to be.

Dearest one..

you know who you are, thank you for allowing me to be part of your life for the past 3 years.
thank you for showing me what love means and for allowing me to put love into practise.
despite the hurt i'm feeling right now. I know it's for my own good. I promise you I will come out of it in due time and be a much better person for whoever God intends for me in the future may be you, may not be you.. Only God knows.

If I love you much enough, I must learn how to let go.
If I love you much enough, I must learn to be happy when you are indeed happy.

Just so you know... I'll always be around for you. You'll always have a special place in my heart.

take care... i'll always be your friend.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Lord,

Indeed You are my strength when I'm weak,
You are the treasure that I seek..
You are my all in all..
Seeking You as a precious jewel,
Lord to give up I'd be a fool....
You are my all in all..

Jesus, lamb of God..
Worthy is Your name..
Sweet Jesus, lamb of God..
Worthy is Your name..

Worthy oh worthy is Your name

Amen..