coming in to work at 4am... MU won!

Man Utd 1-0 Barcelona: Scholes' glorious strike

http://soccernet.espn.go.com/report?id=239781&cc=4716

Lucky I did not predict the score. Muahaha

Woke up late. Got to see a little of the match and have to rush off to work.Being at work about 4am is so relaxing. No phone calls, No users, No questions by anyone. Just me, my comp and my internet connection.

Remember back in the early days while I was still a junior at office and everyone hates working night and of coz being a junior means I have no choice but to come in. But I love working night coz I can have the day off... which I usually hang out at her place the whole day while she's studying. Well those days are over. People change remember? hahaha... yah yah.. remind me again that change is good.

Solved my cluster issues. Somehow I've tested out all the steps before they were given to me but maybe the sequence that I applied the steps were a little different. Well, had some time after that to tidy up my cubicle. err..Maybe just tidying it up a little
.
Me at 5am. Alone at office. Hahaha


read alot about blogging recently. Always hated the idea to write about everything. One of the reasons why I did not want to get a PDA was because I thought I could contain everything in my head and I could remember everything. Must be getting old coz nowadays I really start to forget things. Should get a PDA but still scouting around for a cool looking, sleek, latest and featured full one. Sony Ericsson X1 should be good. Not too sure how much it costs but it should be in the range of RM2500 to RM3000.

Time to spoil myself. Haha. Have not changed one of my phones for 4 years. Talk about being a miser. Hahaha. Anyway, how did I get here. Was talking about reading about blogs... hmm, read somewhere that blogs are based on some themes.. personal, food, cars, girls, photos, hotspots, etc. Mine would definitely be personal and likelihood of my personal blog being read compared to some girl in singapore is practically close to 0% chance. Hahaha.. still, blogging is alright and for the time being I'm still cool with the idea.

Wow.. I slept for like just 2 hours+ but somehow I don't feel tired. Have been waking up in the middle of the night every single night. Waking up, sitting up, staring into the darkness, thinking to myself.. "why I wake up ar?". Well after that I'll just say a simple prayer every single night to ask God to take care of those I love and cherish in my life and I will go back to sleep. Maybe that's God's alarm clock for me to wake up to give thanks and to pray. Good Good.. Cool Cool? hahaha thanks to YJ, EJ and SH for the Cool Cool addiction.

Yesterday Cindy asked me what I've learnt so far from the break up.
Here are some stufz that I can think of right now. Sorry although not sleepy but brain not functioning properly coz it's just 5+ am.

1. God's plans comes first.

2. Family and friends means alot to me.

3. Important time to concentrate fully on work.

4. Ministries aplenty, seeking Him first to lead me to help out in one.

5. Self-improvement time to better prepare for future challenges.

6. Opportunity to reflect on previous mistakes in relationship and to work on to improve to be a better companion in the future.

7. She's very independent. If we ever get together again and If I return to heaven earlier than her I know she can look after herself properly. =) (ok ok.. stop thinking about it right? i kno i kno)

well... quite alot I can think of right?but at the end of the day.. God is good. I've been thru my worst period so far in my life and I've survived. Now i'm appreciating every single second of my life knowing that God indeed has a plan for me and this plan requires me to be further sharpened and ready.

Well.. back to work. Tons of outstanding. Doubt I could ever finish it. By the time half of it is done, I'll get a full new set of outstandings again. As the saying goes...

"Work can never be finished."

6:20am... start work!

Just got off work... tired but enjoyed.

Worked extra hours today to solve some unsolvable problems with my clusters. Escalated the case to Microsoft and managed to solve one cluster. Other cluster can only be down later at 5am so I'll have to work the graveyard shift again. Well, don't really mind coz as long as i'm working I can really think of nothing else but work. Glad I worked in Public Bank where work is never finished, dates and days are all haywired, datelines are always tomorrow, projects are always.."oh this is the last one." Hahaha. Not that bad lah.. exagerating but I think some of you know what I mean right??

Got home and mum cooked and ultra big bowl of yee mee with extra extra ingredients. If ever I get married and move away, definitely will miss mum's cooking. Best in USJ, Subang Jaya and some say Malaysia too. Muahaha.

Received tons of wedding invitations... got one for 10th May... 7th June, 14th June, 21st June and 28th June. June gonna be bankrupt.. muahahha.. but glad people I know found the one they love and are able to spend the rest of their life with their loved ones. Me... have to wait lorr.. but still young, can afford to wait. Build up my career, improve self, learn more things, learn how to care for people... then God will arrange someone for me wan... sure sure wan... hahaha..

Biggest game ever tonight.. MU must win. Not gona predict score coz the last time I predicted the score, MU lost. Argh!. Lucky I don't bet on games or else I sure lose every single game.

Blogging is quite addictive. Or maybe I'm just so bored, no one to talk to.. i just write and write and write. Seriously I'm writing longer and longer each day. Maybe I should really think of writing something good. Who knows... i'll be the next J.K Rowling, J.R.R Tolkien or C.S Lewis.

hmm... should consider.. hahaha

gonna go for a nice bath.. then sleep awhile before I give my soul to Public Bank.

Exhausted physically but somehow mentally still very strong... can go on for a few days if I keep up my positive attitude. Must influence and impact all around me.

hmm.. emotionally... quite neutral. A little weak knees.. but I know that all's fine coz He's in control. He's doing all the worrying now and He's doing all the taking care of her now. Thank You Lord.

now... Move on, move forward and improve!!!

ciaoz.

change is good... if the change is a good one.

glad I've moved on and glad she's moved on..

glad we can be talking like friends.. glad she's working real hard to achieve her new goals in life. Whatever it is, I'll be the supportive friend. She's definitely my role model and I need to put in more effort in my work and in whatever I do.

First step to change would be... to sleep early. Muahaha.

super tired after gym... then minum... exhausted.

gona sleep now.. ciaoz.

half day at work but as though i've been there 24 hours.

checked in to office bout 1230pm today. Have to help out with some banking stuffs with dad and mum.

Once in, got to my little messy cubicle and started reading my emails. Tons and tons of problems-filled mails which I just choose to ignore unless ms.Cindy ask whether I've read the email already. Calls started to just pour in and problems after problems, requests after requests just flooded in like some floodgates burst opened. Well, I sure do miss work. Hahaha. really enjoy working but sometimes too much is really too much. Been thinking of taking a long long vacation, maybe go backpacking in Austria or Scotland or maybe just going back to Melbourne to spend some time with my friends there. Well, all premature thinking but can be carefully considered. To do so, I'll have to reshuffle some of my schedule which I have to ask my secretary to do so. But unfortunately, I do not have one yet. Haha. So which means, I have to do the rescheduling myself. Argh!! I have no time to even clean up my own cubicle let alone scheduling of activities? hahaha..

Yayy.. Sim Wai Wong read my blog today. But she said I'm writing too lengthily... too much details people won't read. Nevermind lah, write for myself to reflect on in a later stage of my life. To evaluate my growth progress and to learn from past mistake. Cool Cool? hahaha.

Happy mood coming back. Coping well with everything that's happening. Must be God in action. Bringing in the healing process so quickly. Enjoyed being weak in His presence. Not to say I want to go thru the pain again but just sometimes when I really think that I can achieve so so much by my own strength, wisdom, etc, God really knows how to teach me a lesson. Well... lesson well taught Father in Heaven. Thanks.

Now i'm just taking everyday as itself, one day at a time.

"So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matt 6:34 (NASB)

That's right. Gonna let all the worrying, heavy thinking, massive planning, mammoth task, etc to God. I'm not going to sit aside to watch but I'll just learn how to depend on Him more. After all, I'm just human. I fall, I stumble, I cry, I shout, I feel pain too especially those blue-black pinches I receive last time.. argh! LOL! Not incredible Hulk or something right?

my thought for the day...

If I can achieve the things I've achieved today, what more can I achieve if I improve myself further? Well again.. with the help of God.

key word for today and for a long long time more... "Self-improvement!"

Jackie Chan.. Jet Li... Forbidden Kingdom

First time i watched a movie in 3 1/2 years without her. Muahahaha.. terra rite?

Anyway, feeling was real different but enjoyed the show. Watched it with my family and not some new girl like some of you thought. Me not gonna be in business for a long long time. Hahaha.. unless... it's...

Jessica Alba

Maybe I should stick to my old principles... Eu Joe worr, no need to go after girls wan. Let girls come lah. Muahaha. OK, i'm too old to tell such lame jokes. Somehow feeling real happy 2day. Feeling I've achieved something in life. Have been a Jack of all trades for too long. Need to be a master of something. So many things to learn, don't know which one is good for me but whichever it is, I pray I will have the patience to complete.

end of a week again. Next week is my big day!! Agung's birthday! muahaha. The self-proclaimed Agung of USJ5. Not too sure if i'll be caught by some jabatan Yang di Pertuan agong if they found out I'm proclaiming myself Agung. Some blasphemy or something. Better stay low-profile. hahaha..

tho, Permaisuri Agung decided to leave Agung behind but.. I still have lots to celebrate. God has been good to me for the past 24 years... these past 2 weeks.. God has been ever so real and ever so close to me. He gave me friends who cried with me, who suffered with me, he gave me colleagues who are ever so understanding and most importantly, He gave me my family. I will always remember the sms my dad sent me. It goes something like this "Son, we are a family. When one suffers, we all suffer. When one is happy, we share your happiness." Beautiful isn't it. Too many things in life I have put aside. Now i'm back. So ironic that I directed and starred in a show called Prodigal son 2 years back. Now i feel like I'm really the prodigal son, coming back to Jesus and whatever He has in mind for me. And you know what the good news is? He will never never never turn His back to anyone who's willing to come back to Him. Not to say that when I was in a relationship I did not spend time with my loved ones but maybe just my priorities in life was not set in accordance to His will.

The next relationship I get into, I think I have to remind myself that a relationship is suppose to built one another and not pull down one another. Grammatically something's wrong with that sentence but I think the meaning is quite clear.

Glad glad glad I survived... YAY!!!! woo hoo!!! hahahaha..
can't wait to find my lost self.. gonna have more wrinkles.. coz gonna laugh laugh and laugh non-stop. Hey... hope you find your lost self too.. JoyfulnBouncy all the time!!!

10:55pm.... sleep? hmm... walk around first. haha

thought to bring to sleep... "Christ-ian... ian = I am nothing... without Christ"

beautiful, wonderful Savior. Good night!

Sunday...Church.... home...

Can't help myself but to just cry out today. Was tearful after Faithful God was sung. Reminded me again that our God is always faithful. His love is unchanging and in His wisdom, He has poured out His grace. Was filled with emotions over the things that has happened for the past 2 weeks. When the last song before the sermon was sung, Amazing Grace... can't contain my tears anymore and I just wept but not that terribly, i'm pretty sure coz no one looked at me. hehe

Anyway, after worship, decided to go check out whether I'm on duty for toddler's class. Met YY and he asked about my dad and I shared about my problems and he prayed for me. Thanks so much. Thanks for the surfing analogy too. I'm greatly inspired.

Listening to this song.. God of Wonders, reminded me of the time I was back in Australia in an outing with my cell then.. International Student Cell which then became International Student Zone. We were in front of seal rock and the feeling was just.. WOW!! God of wonders beyond our galaxy. A mighty God who created the mighty sea, the strong winds.... and yet He cares so much for a mere human like me. For those who've yet to know this God, try to think.. sometimes when you are just so empty, so lonely... nothing you do can fill that emptiness. That's a void only God can fill. It's made in all of us. It's called a "God-shaped void." For the past 2 weeks, He has overflown to other voids in my heart and I'm just so thankful for the experience. I'm beginning to feel overflowing joy again.

Not too sure who told me this:- that in order to care for others or to share laughter with others, I have to be filled up and patched up first so that the joy that comes out from me will not be a fake joy but it'll be from the overflowing joy that only God can bring.

Advises I've given out alot. Advises I've to start listening from now on. God has placed many different individuals in my life and all these people may be here to stay in my life, some come and go but yet I know deep down that each of them has played a role to shape my life to the way it is today. They have been used by God to do so. Thank you family and friends for your support, guidance and advises. It's time I repay your kindness by being the very person that God intended me to be. A person who spreads joy and laughter wherever I go. It's something that I'm guilty of not doing alot lately. Will start to rediscover that lost part of me.

Listening to this song now -> Avalon - Joy to the World for the Lord has come.

indeed... the pain I feel right not is nothing to the Joy I've received from HIM! Amen.

10pm... sleep.. nothing to do.

either i'm getting old.. or I seriously can't get used to single life.

used to enjoy being alone... playing playstation, driving around alone, going to summit to buy dvds, getting a drink alone.. but now, everytime i'm alone, I seriously feel so so lonely.

going to bed coz seriously nothing much to do. I have tons of dvd yet to be watched. Don't know when I'll restock. Lost the motivation to restock. Sighs...

better go sleep before my mind wanders away again.

change is good, but sure is difficult.
Need strength, need inspiration, need motivation.

"dear Lord,
as night draws to a close, I pray Lord that as I rest tonight, I'll really get a good rest.
As I awake tomorrow, May You fill me with Your love and grace once again. Please grant me strength to take on new challenges in life. Grant me patience to overcome current challenges. Above all Lord, grant me love Lord so that I can care for others like how Jesus cared for me.
Good night Lord, it's been a long day and I'm exhausted physically, emotionally, mentally.
Amen"


Good Nite. Sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite!

dad's home.. all ok

Praise the Lord..

all's ok.

Thank you Lord.. Thank you so much.

Glad nothing's wrong. Not too sure what's the cause though. Doctors said all ok, could be just some viral infection or some acute ear disease that comes and goes. For all who've prayed, thank you so much.

Life is getting back to normal now. Have been having emotional roller-coasters for many many days now. Going to go full steam ahead to recapture my lost time. Need to improve self in many aspects.

1. Regain confidence level
2. Self-improvement.. music and language courses, golf, flying, etc.
3. Help out in ministries... PA, church camp committee, toddlers, asst. Cell leader, etc.
4. Focus on work.. new projects. CTCS, SAN, etc.
5. Spend time with family and friends
6. any other things that God will lead me to.

This whole incident thought me to not plan too far ahead coz my plans are not necessarily HIS plans. I'm gonna be quiet in HIS presence so that I can learn about this plan He has for me day by day.

Hands freezing... 5 hours sitting in front of comp deleting mails, housekeeping files, Malaysiakini-ing, bbc.com, soccernet.com, etc etc...

in need of a change!! a big change!!

6:22pm 26/04/08... My commitment to self >>> Self-improvement!!

2am.. not sleepy

still not sleepy.. many things in my mind right now.

how will the results of my dad's scans be tomorrow?

hopefully all's good. I know God is in control and God will intervene when things are not done according to His will and way. I pray that the doctors will have the wisdom to diagnose well and to determine the cause to the pain he's getting off and on. May the medicine prescribe by the doctors be a miracle cure that can remove his pain instantaneously..

have to really really sleep. Have to slow down my mind and let it rest so that I can be at the hospital in the morning to help out and to be around.

thought about it..

why am I complaining when I'm already so so blessed...
I've got so many things in life that some can only dream of having and yet I'm making a fuss about the things I'm encoutering right now.

"dear Lord,
forgive me for the wrongdoings i've done.
forgive me for complaining.
I know whatever that has happened, has happened
I need to learn from all of these things and move on with life with new focus and attitude.
Help me to be stronger each day so that I can be depended on by my family and friends.
Thank you Lord for the countless blessings in my life.
Help me to share the blessings with others, help me to be a blessings to others..
Amen."


Gonna knock myself on the head or maybe watch a super boring drama to put myself to bed.
1:54am... last minute that I'll be wallowing in self-pity. Have to have confidence in life for I'm made according to His image. That means I have a chop somewhere saying "made by God". Can never let someone say I'm not good enough.

life does not end at 25.... life begins at 25... hahaha

1 step forward, 2 steps backward

Did not make it to the retreat. Dad warded in the hospital. Mom is very very worried. Have not seen dad so sick before. Right before my eyes my father laid there almost motionless for each movement causes immense pain to his head.

"Dear Lord, Please have mercy. Please show Him your grace and heal him. Please strengthen Him once again and make him healthy. Please look after mom too. She's worried, please give her the strength so that she can be ever supportive towards dad. Amen."

Sigh...
my plea to everyone.. please do not wish me Happy Birthday this year. This is seriously the worst worst period of my life. I've tried so hard to move forward, to move on with life but I just got pushed back further and further. I need strength to move on. I need strength to stand up so that my family wont be worried. So that I can be someone they can depend on. My job... tons of calls, sometimes I just wish I do not know the answers to most of their questions so that they can just call someone else. But if I've done so, will I get my promotions? Will I get my increments? So many ifs, so many maybes, so many if onlys... life is full of regrets. I've had alot. I can't afford any other regrets in life.

Why is this happening to me? All i've wished for before I hit 25... I've gotten it all.. and yet now.. sighs... I'm always a positive person but in the space of 2 weeks I've dropped to become the most negative person on earth. What is the reason behind all this? What am I suppose to learn? All I know is there's definitely something for me to get out of all this. I know I'll be a much better person.

Thanks so much to all who made the effort to give me hours of counselling but hearing me counsel instead. Thanks so much to all who lend me their ears but ended up me listening to them more. Thanks so much to those who spent time with me through this period.

Relationships... gonna put the BGR stufs down for awhile.
Not up to it. Not qualified to talked about. Will be back in this arena but later.. not now, not anytime soon. Got red carded. Banned for 5 matches.

God,family, friends, colleagues, work.. all these I'll live for...

"Grant me strength oh Lord. That's what I need right now. Grant me comfort so that I can wake up every morning feeling loved by You. Fill the void in my heart now and plaster my heart. Make me whole once more."

Moving on.. not looking back anymore. Serious. Last time I'm talking about this. If not, I won't blog about it. Hahaha.
still can make myself laugh and make myself happy. Told you so!!!

Another reason why I have to move on... coz I need to see Manchester United take League and Champions League cup!!! YAY!!!!

Predictions... MU 3 - 0 Chelsea

Retreat (25/04 - 27/04)

Koinonia Annual Retreat
Venue: Tapah
Date: 25 April 2008 to 27 April 2008

Should be a fun fun time. Looking forward to it. At least I can just take my mind of things for awhile. Have been having so much thoughts in my mind I think I forget I'm just human. Thank you Lord for this retreat. Help me learn something from it and may I remember it for the rest of my life.

Woke up at the wrong side of bed this morning. Feeling all mushy and weak. Used to tell her these are the signs of weak knees... a phrase only used by us. Well, all has passed. I have to remember that. Somehow the stubborn me still clinging on to yesterday. Thinking of the things I should have or should not have done. There's a saying in mandarin that goes like this...

"When you are on your horse, looking back will only make you fall. Look forward, press on and head to the glorious finish."

well.. does'nt sound like the saying I have in mind.. but I guess you all got my point. Learning to trust in God's providence for every second of my life is definitely something new and something that I'll treasure for the rest of my life. Every single second I'm just talking to Him telling Him how I feel and telling Him what I feel like doing and whether it's right or wrong. Somehow when the decision is wrong, I can feel "unpeacefulness" building in my heart.. Thank you Lord and thank you HS for being my concience.

This year must be a good year to get married maybe it's some chinese auspicious belief.. 2008.
yee leng leng fatt? hahaha sounds like yee teng teng fatt... means very very easy to be prosperous. Well initially I thought of getting married at 20/10/2010.. hahaha.. but well may still happen, who knows. Just dunno who the unlucky bride will be.

Just visited a beautiful wedding website belonging to my friend, May and her husband of course. Well all the best to May and Chia Yong. May you live life to the fullest, being used by Him and for His glory sake. Be happy and above all be fruitful and multiply!!! hahahaha.

Got a bad feeling I keep forgetting somethings. Always happen before i leave for somewhere. Stil have some stickers in my bag telling where my socks, shirt, jeans, etc are located in the bag. Thanks to the ever meticulous ex gf of mine. Whoever who gets her in the future.. Congrats. She's the best there is. Second to none. hahaha. Promoting my ex like selling product only. Muahaha. Got commission?

okay.. me gotta really go check on my luggage.. sure forget something. Wont be posting anything for the next 2 -3 days but will update some photos when I'm back.

I'm stoned, blurr, somewhat depressed, mind clogged with tons of data waiting to processed, dual core processor in my head running a 16 core app, now I'm in serious need of a retreat...

ciaoz.

end of another day...

have not slept from 230am till now... 10:15pm.



YAAAAAWWWN!!!







hahaha..

work was ok today. As usual, tons of phone calls. Somehow I just feel i'm like a telephone operator sometimes merely passing calls around. Just because I pick up calls!!! and the rest just leave it ringing... hahaha.

went to parade just now.. wandered around ended up in MPH. Sat awhile to read some books. Remembered one of the first place we went together was MPH. That was more than 3 and half years ago. Well came across a book with a funny title... "Istanbul bastard". Wonder what the book is about. Walked to science fiction and just picked up a book and started reading. It's either I was too blur to understand or science fiction books are to chim for me already. Left MPH and walked to parkson. Ended up walking downstairs to skin food where I stood and stare.. one of the last places we've been together. Well just walked around until I reached to carrefour. hahaha..
met up with John See, Julian, Boss and hannah. They were discussing about the retreat tomorrow and I was disturbing. Haha. Din bother them too much, had my dinner and walked around a little outside carrefour.. walked back to my car which I parked in front of TGIF. Long walk but for the fit me, it's ok. Hahaha. Shed 5 kgs for the past 3 weeks. Brilliant achivement. Now i'm in the optimum weight category.
I think I really have to look at people's blogs before writing. I'm like laughing to myself all the time. It's more like a letter or a note to self more than anything. Strange but true.

Tomorrow is cell retreat. Koinonia never fails to deliver. Year after year, the retreat gets better and better. One day have to ask Koinonia to plan for church camp already. Muahaha. Talking of which. Argh.. have to prepare games and talent night. hehehe.. time to torture some souls. Muahahaha.

Crazy man laughing and blogging at the same time. I think my blog must be the lamest. At least I win lamest blog award. haha.

At work early...real early..

4:00am... off to work..

boring game between MU and Barca.. but of course.. MU defended well.. controversial decisions by referee but it usually happens in big game.. well at least a draw is good for MU.. muahhaha

at work now.. cluster servers not to stable. One going down after another.. well have to use the little knowledge I have on clusters to solve the problem..

Glad i'm pretty awake.. thought i'll be snoozing away.. but well somehow I have the energy, stamina to carry on. Must be from HIM! Thank you Lord for this strength I have to carry on.

argh.. still waiting for servers to be up. Hmm.. wonder what she's doing.. Sleeping of course!! hahaha.. knowing her... she'll be snoring away.. kakaka.. oops.. nolar.. sleeps like a princess. After all that has happened, really hope we still can be good good friends. After all she loves spending time with her friends. LOL.

moving on life without her for a week now. Life has never been so difficult and different. Up till today, still do not know whether the seperation decision is a good one but I still have to respect her decision. Hope she'll find more joy and happiness in whatever she's doing. As for me, life is slowing down a little. Hopes of getting married and enjoying time with my lovely wife have to be put aside.. coz.... no gf lah... hahaha. Nevermind, work hard now. Spend less and have some savings. Can help out whoever who needs it or get myself a bigger car?? ..wishful thinking.

better go save my clusters... have to be up by 6:15am. gosh..

a very good morning to all!!!

can life be worse than this

Went to futsal... relapsed of old injury. Ankle still in pain right now.
missed every open goal opportunity. Friends asked me when I'm getting married and how's my gf. Just kept quiet and said well everything's ok. Life is good, etc... din want to talk about it much so just changed topic.

After that got lots of call from office and thankfully colleague went in to work to solve the problem.

Almost to the end of futsal, received alot of calls from my brother and mother. I called home and to my disbelief, mum told me that dad is very sick. On the whole journey home, thoughts just filled my mind. First I lost my gf, have to go work everyday to handle tons of work even though I feel not up to it and now my dad is so sick. Argh.. How come everything happened before my Agung's birthday? Why Why Why? I felt so so so low. I slumped again. Reached home and saw my mum and my brother with my dad, quickly bathed and sent him to the clinic nearby. After the diagnosis and some medication, dad recovered slowly. Mum was very very worried so was my brother and sister. Needless to say, I was worried but I told myself I need to be strong coz my family needs me. I need to stand up and not feel hurt coz when I fall everyone around me feels the hurt together. I want to be happy so that my joy and laughter can bring happiness to people around me.

I came to work this morning, feeling very down. Tried my luck and gave a call to ChaiLeng and to my surprise, she picked up the phone and asked me how's my dad. Glad I had the conversation with her. Asked for her prayer and told her bout how i'm coping etc. Glad she's alright and glad's she's happy. Wished she was around when I needed her most for the past 2 weeks but I know she has already moved on.

Anyway, after putting down that call 2 of my systems went down, one after the other. The thought of giving up crept into my mind but NO!!! never goin to give up. My world is falling apart but NO!! never going to give up.

I'm not going to blame God for everything that is happening. I'm just going to put in more effort in everything I do and put more trust in Him. I know that in HIS time HE made all things beautiful and in HIS time, HE will continue to do so. I will continue to trust in HIM and believe that HE will make my path straight.

Today is 23/04/2008. He will make a difference in my life. I will be used by Him for His glory sake. My prayer today is for everyone around me to be happy and healthy!!

now.. Back to work. PBB don't pay me to blog.

off to futsal

gosh...
what a title. Even the nitty gritty things in life i'm gonna blog it down in here.

1 week since the BAD DAY!! <- hahaha

abit late to office...
usually here bout 810 today 830... but private parking lost already. Someone else parked my place.. Argh!!

but lucky still can park in basement. 200+ staffs but only 100+ parking. Somemore got 30+ place reserved for big shots.. nvm.. me gonna work hard so that I can get the reserved parking one day.. hahahaha

1 week since that dreaded day, the lowest point in my life... but me coping much better than I thot.. Thot that i'll slump and slump till i become a snail.. hmm.. dunno why snail lah but sounds like something that ppl can slump into. hahaha. Learnt lots of valuable lessons in life and also gained lots of new found long time no talked friends. Friends from all over the world in fact. Talk about being famous. Hahaha.. Now my ego is back again. Gosh.

well.. gonna ask Eugene and Jean Ann how to really use this blog thingy. Gonna make one good one to really capture my everyday thoughts and activities. Still new to this. Last time i wrote a blog was when Chai Leng said she wanted a one week break.. now.. she wants a full time break, i'm gonna write a full time blog. Hahahaha.

Gotta go work already, lots of work to do 2day. Colleagues all went for training. thanks to me and my big mouth. Muahahaha..

another happy day as This is the day that the Lord hath made. I will rejoice and be glad in it!

signing off at 850am.

new day new beginning...

at work lah.. 5pm now..

friends have been superb.. cell was supportive.. thanks Aaron.. some how i felt the songs were chosen for me.. but Amazing Grace? hahaha.. came to work for fun actually. Just wanted to be occupied by things.

Went to brickfields for Indian Rice.. yummy.. abit far laah but quite worth it.. colleagues belanja sumore.

The shop.. mua and mua curry rice..

My colleagues.

Everyone showing concern for me and totally appreciate it.. hmm.. gonna do something new.. play golf... hahahaha.. friend said go learn how to fly a plane.. thinking of doing so.. learn 30 hours but for 6k... hmm.. but should be cool.

want to learn french and japanese. Pick up play piano by ear... learn guitar on thursday nights. french and japanese on saturday morning. Abit to ambitious lah.. but hopefully at the end of the day, I could really learn something new and make myself a better person.

These are all things that I want to do but seriously, I think I should consult God first and see what He wants me to do with my life.

Learning to look at things from a different angle is sure tough, overcoming obstacles and problems are much much more tougher.

This is what my friend told me..

"Rome was not built in a day. Moving forward is hard but keep the motion against the current. The heart is just another muscle organ, the more you stress it, the firmer it gets."


hahaha birthday party tonight.. for none other than Yours truly.. ME! abit early lah.. but thank you so much Koinonians.. you're the best.

5:15pm now.. better get my act together and finish my work..

bleuk.

Wondered why bloggers blog..

Wondered why bloggers blog..

maybe i blogged for a different reason 2day.. maybe i'm just gonna do this just once.. only God knows..

painful and hurtful is what i'm feeling now. Emotionally wrecked more like it. Something I've given so much thought, time, effort, love, care, sweat, tears.. finally after 3 years 1 month 25 days.. it's gone.

questioned everyone why this is happening to me. Never imagined this would happened. All hopes i've harboured. All dreams I've built. Vanished, dashed, gone before my very eyes.

i've cried and i've cried.. thinking for how long will this last. Loved her so very much. Yet caused so much pain to her, she only finds happiness without me. A failure i must have been. Someone who should care so much, someone who should give her happiness yet the totally opposite happened. I'm sorry...

I don't know what I should do from here on. I don't know how to adjust my life back to how it was before I had her. I've to learn how to crawl once again before I walk, before I run, before I talk, before I laugh.. She's much better without me. I should be happy. I should be filled with joy knowing she's so so so happy but yet I still want her close to me. I know i'm wrong, i'm selfish, i'm thinking only for myself but yet again, it is something i'm guilty of not doing enough which is thinking for myself.

life is difficult. This is the worst patch of my life thus far. My friends are ever so accomodating and so patient. My family, the love i received, uncomparable. My cell mates.. your messages encouraged me, your kind thoughts touched me, your advises strengthens me.

I need to stand up again. I need to be the eujoe everyone knows about. I need to be the crappy, corny, funny, joking, never sad, never angry person that everyone knows about.

thank you all for bearing with me.. thank you for willingly share my problems despite all your busyness.. I will grow, I will learn, I will be a better person. This is my promise to everyone and to myself.

Lord, help me overcome, by your name I shall gain strength, by your grace I shall stand up and be who you want me to be.

Dearest one..

you know who you are, thank you for allowing me to be part of your life for the past 3 years.
thank you for showing me what love means and for allowing me to put love into practise.
despite the hurt i'm feeling right now. I know it's for my own good. I promise you I will come out of it in due time and be a much better person for whoever God intends for me in the future may be you, may not be you.. Only God knows.

If I love you much enough, I must learn how to let go.
If I love you much enough, I must learn to be happy when you are indeed happy.

Just so you know... I'll always be around for you. You'll always have a special place in my heart.



take care... i'll always be your friend.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Lord,

Indeed You are my strength when I'm weak,
You are the treasure that I seek..
You are my all in all..
Seeking You as a precious jewel,
Lord to give up I'd be a fool....
You are my all in all..

Jesus, lamb of God..
Worthy is Your name..
Sweet Jesus, lamb of God..
Worthy is Your name..

Worthy oh worthy is Your name

Amen..