Wondered why bloggers blog..

Wondered why bloggers blog..

maybe i blogged for a different reason 2day.. maybe i'm just gonna do this just once.. only God knows..

painful and hurtful is what i'm feeling now. Emotionally wrecked more like it. Something I've given so much thought, time, effort, love, care, sweat, tears.. finally after 3 years 1 month 25 days.. it's gone.

questioned everyone why this is happening to me. Never imagined this would happened. All hopes i've harboured. All dreams I've built. Vanished, dashed, gone before my very eyes.

i've cried and i've cried.. thinking for how long will this last. Loved her so very much. Yet caused so much pain to her, she only finds happiness without me. A failure i must have been. Someone who should care so much, someone who should give her happiness yet the totally opposite happened. I'm sorry...

I don't know what I should do from here on. I don't know how to adjust my life back to how it was before I had her. I've to learn how to crawl once again before I walk, before I run, before I talk, before I laugh.. She's much better without me. I should be happy. I should be filled with joy knowing she's so so so happy but yet I still want her close to me. I know i'm wrong, i'm selfish, i'm thinking only for myself but yet again, it is something i'm guilty of not doing enough which is thinking for myself.

life is difficult. This is the worst patch of my life thus far. My friends are ever so accomodating and so patient. My family, the love i received, uncomparable. My cell mates.. your messages encouraged me, your kind thoughts touched me, your advises strengthens me.

I need to stand up again. I need to be the eujoe everyone knows about. I need to be the crappy, corny, funny, joking, never sad, never angry person that everyone knows about.

thank you all for bearing with me.. thank you for willingly share my problems despite all your busyness.. I will grow, I will learn, I will be a better person. This is my promise to everyone and to myself.

Lord, help me overcome, by your name I shall gain strength, by your grace I shall stand up and be who you want me to be.

Dearest one..

you know who you are, thank you for allowing me to be part of your life for the past 3 years.
thank you for showing me what love means and for allowing me to put love into practise.
despite the hurt i'm feeling right now. I know it's for my own good. I promise you I will come out of it in due time and be a much better person for whoever God intends for me in the future may be you, may not be you.. Only God knows.

If I love you much enough, I must learn how to let go.
If I love you much enough, I must learn to be happy when you are indeed happy.

Just so you know... I'll always be around for you. You'll always have a special place in my heart.



take care... i'll always be your friend.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Lord,

Indeed You are my strength when I'm weak,
You are the treasure that I seek..
You are my all in all..
Seeking You as a precious jewel,
Lord to give up I'd be a fool....
You are my all in all..

Jesus, lamb of God..
Worthy is Your name..
Sweet Jesus, lamb of God..
Worthy is Your name..

Worthy oh worthy is Your name

Amen..